Becoming me
by filthysmile
Summary: After making the wrong choice Jude was forced to go through life alone. After 10 years she returns home, leaving everyone astonished at just how really grown up she is. Will the people that love her the most convince her to sing? EPILOGUE UP/complete/jomm
1. Beautifully Broken

Story: After making the wrong choice Jude was forced to go through life alone. After 10 years she returns home, leaving everyone astonished at just how really grown up she is. How will the people that love her the most convince her to sing? Can a certain someone inspire her? JOMMY

A/N This story is set after season 3 so everything that happened has happened in the story. Please review and don't be afraid to put ideas across and PLEASE be nice as this is my first story :D

_**Becoming Me**_

**Chapter 1 **

_**Beautifully Broken**_

'It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky' 

Jude and her assistant, Amanda, came through the G-Major doors. This was the first time that Jude has been to G-Major for 10 years. She smiled as she looked at her surroundings and noticed than nothing has changed apart from some Instant Star winners on posters. She saw herself on one of the numerous walls and smiled. There she was with punk-rocker red hair and a guitar in both hands, she remembered how nervous she was that photo shoot, and most of all she remembered that day as the day that Tommy took her to the lake. Those were the days, she thought. So much has changed. She sure wasn't the girl she used to be.

She looked around the main lobby looking for a pair of two blue eyes, to her relief she couldn't spot them. Thank god because she knew she still wasn't ready to see Tommy, not after the last time. She wasn't sure she would ever be ready. Funny, it was always him that did the running and there she was, picking up that nasty habit of his.

Amanda couldn't understand why Jude was so against the idea of coming back to Toronto but knowing Jude it had to be a good reason, naturally Jude spoke to Darius at least once a month but getting an unexpected call from him really stirred her up, she was very curious to learnt the reason behind the scenario.

Jude was quite nervous, as she hadn't seen her family in years. She fell out with Sadie, couldn't forgive her dad for marrying that slut Yvette and she has no clue where her mum is and to be brutally honest she didn't care. She was most nervous to see three people Sadie, Jamie and, of course, Tommy.

She wasn't sure how Sadie was but she wanted to become a part of Sadie's life again. She missed Sadie and even though she'd never admit it she always made sure to ask D about her and her daughter. D made sure she didn't know her name, why Jude didn't know. Jude and Sadie had a massive fight and sadly they never made up. It was all Jude's fault.

Toronto was a mystery to Jude and she avoided it for many years, 10 to be exact. For all those years Jude ran, now she knew it was time to face the past, even if she didn't want to.


	2. I Got Money now

**Story: After making the wrong choice Jude was forced to go through life alone. After 10 years she returns home, leaving everyone astonished at just how really grown up she is. How will the people that love her the most convince her to sing? Can a certain someone inspire her? JOMMY **

**A/N Please review as I really want to know what you think of the story :D Thanks xxx**

**Chapter 2 **

**I Got money Now **

_**'Cause now I've got everything that I have ever wanted or so it seems'**_

Even though it was winter Jude was wearing a trench coat. She was very elegantly dressed and you could tell she had done well for herself. As Darius stepped out of his office she revealed all of her outfit. Most the men in the room checked her out and Darius just stared in amazement. She really has changed. He didn't know how he was going to persuade her to sing but all he knew was that he could try.

She wore a high wasted skirt, a blue blouse with a huge bow and black stilettos. Jude looked like a model from a fashion magazine, and to be exact she was. In her 10 years she hasn't sung a note but decided that her fame as a singer would land her some acting jobs. After a while she became famous round the world winning 2 Oscars and runner up for next. She didn't like the idea of acting at first but found it really helped her slip out of her normal life and become someone else, someone better. Being a world known actress also made her do covers and photo shoots. She did some exclusive modelling jobs and was even asked to do a fashion line for Miss Selfridges. She tried to stay away from the spot light but doing promotions around the world meant that she stayed in the spot line for a while. That really made her appreciate Darius' efforts to keep her private life separate from her singing career that was in Instant Star days, as she liked to call them.

In some ways she missed expressing her emotions but after Tommy… she made herself a promise.

"Jude, you look amazing! You're all grown up and I'm gonna cry in a minute!" Said D grinning at her. He was very aware of the attention she was getting and he really didn't know how to begin with her.

"Oh stop it, you're practically family to me and I haven't seen you in a lifetime!"

She said emphasizing the word lifetime. She knew how he was about his age and the main reason that she came over to Toronto is that she promised him years ago that on his 50th birthday she would be there. She really regrets that promise.

"Don't tease the age here, I might be getting older but I can still fell the sarcasm in your voice."

"Oh come on you know I really love you."

"Right, come on to my office and I'll tell you all about the party that, unfortunately, Sades decided to make big and broadcasted on tv"

She knew he had something in mind involving her because she knew the look on his face, but she noticed a certain fear in his eyes as if he wasn't sure she'd agree to do whatever it is he wants her to do. Jude felt privileged because no matter what people say she was her own boss and her career was in her own hands and D didn't control her anymore, or so she hoped. She noticed he was ever so careful to mention Sadie, which obviously meant she knew Jude was coming over. She wanted to see her. Jude didn't really realise how much support Sades really had given her through her life. Why did Jude always have to muck everything up? Jude shook her head and realised that Tommy always ruined everything, she realised that on her flight, 10 years ago.

Jude followed Darius and discovered the same office with just some changes. Numerous awards were up on the wall. Boyz Attack and Jude were both there side by side. Jude decided that she would avoid mentioning Tommy. She stared at him in his bandana and smiled. She wondered how he was. All through the years she ignored any article and page that had Tommy Quincy written on it but she knew he kept his profile low as to the press she was the ultimate target, which she regretted because she knew even if Tommy read anything about her that only a third of it would be true. He was getting to her she needed to let go but she couldn't.

Once again Jude looked around the room and then D started speaking

**A/N** The next chapter is nearly finished so I'm hoping for some reviews and then ill post the next one up: D


	3. Patience

A/N thanks for your reviews everyone and to be honest I just wanna know hat u think :D TheKoop. I get what you say about the Oscars but I've already thought that through and I promise it will make sense eventually and I know about the weak Jude thing, that's how I thought of the story! …As usual please review!!! 

**PS Sadie is in the next chapter**

Chapter 3 

**Patience **

'I'm still hurting from a love I lost,' 

"Thank you so much for coming, I guess it took my 50th to bring you back home" D smiled, he didn't notice how she winced at the word home.

"Oh you know work keeps you busy and you of all people shoud know that" she said smiling

" Yes you're right, what has it been?! How many years… ten?" 

"Yes well, time flies when you're enjoying yourself" Jude replied. This wasn't strictly a lie. She has enjoyed herself, in some ways. its just the people around her that weren't right. She sat down on the familiar leather couch and sat there in deep thought. She felt like the scared and lost teenager again.

"You okay, Jude? Do you want a glass of water or something?" D looked concerend while Jude quikly recovered.

"Water? C'mon lets celebrate I am back so lets have some chapmagne." She came back to life smiling.

" Jude, I know you said a million times on the phone that you do not sing. But I was wonering-" 

"No. D I said it a million times and I will say it again. I'm sorry." Her face stiffened and D gave her a glass of champagne.

" Jude for my 50th all the Instant Stars are singing its going to be like a mini concert of people that I ever signed up. Jude just consider the options. I'll pay you of course" D told her while she just laughed. Not in a cruel way but in a sort of shocked amuesed way.

"You of all people should know that you cannot buy me." She sook her head.

"You know what I mean, I would've thought you've gotten over tommy by know." 

"This isn't about tommy" 

"Yes it is and you and I know it" 

So much for not mentioning him she thought.

" D you don't understand"

"Well why don't you explain yourself then because you're right I don't understand. Being a singer is a way opf expressing your emotions and you know that. Jude this way of you deeling with Tommy isn't right, you've got a gift. Use it." 

" Look I'm sorry I have to go " she said as she began to stand up and gathering her things.

" Jude honey wait," 

She stopped and looked at him. She could sence his regret in what he'd said, maybe he was right . She didn't know anymore . This was Jude's way of deeling with herself and not Tommy.

D noticed that Jude was far away, lost in her thoughts. He did regret what he had said to her because he decided that he should've waited until the dinner that they were going to have that night

"Jude are we still having dinner tonight?" He thought she was going to be divaish and say no but to his surprise the response was

"Why wouldn't we? I still wanna catch up" She was very surprised by the question. Jude learned not to break her promises, she believes that doing that breaks someone's heart. She learned the hard way. She promised D that she would go out to dinner with him and in doing so she was keeping the promise.

"Okay then, what time shall I pick you and your assistant, I believe up?"

"Is it okay if she comes, I really don't want to leave her in at our first time in Toronto" Jude asked generally concerned about her friend. She and Amamnda have become good friends. Amanda liked Judes polite aprouch to life but she didn't really know Jude like these people in Gmajour and that's what scared Jude the most.

"Of course! So what time then will I pick yopu up?"

"Don't worry I've got my limo" 

"Oh. Okay." D smiled hiding his amazement. He knew she was successful but he found it very hard to believe that she would actually order a limo for all her stay here. Sounds like something a diva would do, but then again this is Jude at 28, she does need security and he wouldn't be surprised if she had a body guard. How things change, he thought.

"Fine and D you know I hate surprises" Jude hoped D didn't have anything planned, but of course he had. A devilish grin spread across his face.

"Don't you worry about one thing Jude, I know exactly what you like and what you don't like," he silently added

" …And weather you like it or not you've come to face your past and my, you are going to face it"

"Bye" She told him as she walked out the door

Amanda gracefully stood up from the orange couch where she was talking to a very handsome young man. She smiled and waved her goodbyes. She joined Jude and the two walked out into the street where their limo was waiting.


	4. Catch me when I Fall

A/N Okay so this chapter is basically Jude becoming vulnerable. I'm sorry but Tommy and Sadie are gonna be in the next few chapters. Hopefully I'll update tomorrow but that's if I have time to write anything! The dinner chapter is next.

Let me know if you would like to hear more of Amandas point of view or Judes because I want to try doing POVs :D Reviews please!

**Chapter 4**

Jude stood in her large hotel room. All her clothes were neatly hang up in a large walk in closet. Amanda had arranged for Jude's clothes to be sent to this hotel just about a week ago. That woman is great at organizing things.

Jude walked into her closet not knowing what to wear. All her clothes were in order of colour and they were all in different sections. She looked at the dresses and decided she was going to wear a cocktail dress.

Amanda walked in and began to speak.

"Jude, you in here?"

"I'm in the closet!"

"I'm afraid we've got a packed schedule, sorry but Spielberg wants to talk to you and you need to call him like today to confirm the lunch for tomorrow. You've got to go downstairs in 30 minutes and have coffee with some new great writers and apparently according to some people who know other people they're really good. I think they've got a great script for you. We've got to organize a meeting with the carol concert people and then have dinner with Mr Mills, how do you two know each other, you say you can't sing to save your life but there's a picture on the wall with you holding a guitar!"

"Never mind that, its history. All right, I assume you've got an outfit for tonight. Spielberg I'll call before dinner and who are the writers?"

"Unknown but please just have coffee with them and do not drink alcohol as we're having dinner." Amanda decided not to drag the whole singing thing out but naturally she will find out the real truth later, she was sure.

"What do you think I am, of course I won't! " she shook her head.

"Sorry but anyway while you were in Mr Mills' office I was chatting to this man and he told me that they were having a massive Christmas party!" Amanda looked excited because GMajour have a massive reputation of throwing A List parties that only very well of people get invited to. Jude had of course been invited to all of them but never came back to Toronto. She had been to one in Florida, NY and LA but purposely missed seeing D and any other familiar face at the party; instead she surrounded herself with A List Hollywood stars or very well known people. That's how the industry works, when you know people you become well known yourself. Jude had never thought of herself becoming a star, in fact she didn't want to get involved in the movie business. Things do change.

"Hello!? Earth to Jude. Are we invited?" Amanda had a good relationship with Jude and after nearly 7 years as Jude's assistant she lost the formality with her. It was always them two invited to things and knows even the press wanted the stories to do with her disregarding Jude. Amanda, like Jude, had no other life than her job. She rarely talked to her parents and only came back home for Christmas Day. Jude always busied herself this time of the years so she didn't have to think of family and friends, that's what Amanda thought anyway. She had a feeling that Toronto might just let her discover the real Jude, because to be honest Amanda didn't know Jude, Jude never let her in. Jude never let anybody in. Look at Alfie he didn't have a clue about Jude thinking that she wouldn't commit to him like a normal person but made out that Jude was a diva and wouldn't care.

" Yes we happen to be going as the guests of honour. It isn't a Christmas party its D's 50th"

"D?"

"Mr Mills" 

"You know each other pretty well then" Amanda was determined to find out what Jude was hiding

"I used to know him in my teenage years if you must know" Jude sent her a warning glance. She didn't want to go into detail.

Ignoring the glance Amanda continued: 

"Well the young man, Ben, said that THE Tom Quincy works there and that, in fact, he's helping organize the event with Sadie HARRISON" She said wondering if Sadie was Jude's sister not forgetting to mention the hot ex-boy band member.

"Really? I didn't think Tommy was one for organizing parties. He's like a control freak having to have everything perfect." To Judes surprise she extually spoke about Tommy for the first time, excluding D's office. She hasn't mentioned him in a while.

"You know Tom Quincy? Sorry I meant TOMMY" She said emphasizing the word Tommy.

"Yes I happen to know him from a long time back but only briefly. Whoever calls him Tom?"

"Just people but apparently Tommy and Sadie HARRISON are planning a great party," she said not giving up just yet on the sister thing.

"Yes well Sadie is one with imagination"

"you know her too?"

"God Amanda stop questioning! What is this a court case? Yes I know people from Gmajour and Sadie just happens to be my sister and I used to date Tommy and I used to be produced in Gmajour because I won Instant Star. That was a long time ago and I'm doing my best here to forget it! HAPPY?" Jude screamed she had had enough. Not only the stress getting to her that she could face these people any time, anywhere AND she didn't know anything abut them.

Amanda stood in shock. Not just because of the information but because Jude had screamed. Jude Harrison screamed AT her.

Wow.

She didn't know what to do. Jude is so nice but when she's stressed she just became very quiet. She never showed emotion, never. She didn't raise her voice at all and she forced herself to smile, a lot, but Amanda only noticed because she knew Jude and after all these years she knew what Jude was feeling or so she thought.

Jude made her way to the closet and dressed herself in on-trend jeans and a chunky sweater. She stood in front of the mirror and practised to smile. Something she did regularly. Jude too was in shock. She was never the one to shout and when she dint like something she just became alienated, quiet and still. This was different. She wanted a piece of paper to write this down but forced herself to smile one more time and say "Hello [smile my name is Jude Harrison [hand shake I've heard so much about you [smile again shall we order?" She repeated this a few times and went straight past Amanda and out the door.


	5. Why Wait

**AN: Originally half this chapter was going to be a chapter but then I added to it and decided it was about time Tommy was tied into the story and also I kind of cut a lot of the details in the chapter. R&R please :D Becoming Me Chapter 5**

**Why Wait **

'_**When now is the right time'**_

Tommy watched as the long black limo pulled away from Gmajour. He wondered into the large lobby of the recording studio, his eyes immediately looked at the first ever-instant star. Jude. He knew he had to convince D to change that wall. Everyday reminded him of the past.

He knocked on D's door and made his way in

"Hey who's in the limo?"

"Hello to you too" D was determined not to let Tommy know of Jude's arrival;

The last thing he needed was a heartbroken Tommy- again.

"Sorry, Hi." He looked at his watch and continued" Look Sadie asked me to pick Jude up because she has to get ready for some dinner thing. I won't be able to finish Maria's album tonight."

"What do you mean pick Jude up?" D was very worried but recovered quickly.

" Well let's see. Small Jude. Quite cute. Baby blue eyes. Strawberry blond hair more reddish really."

"Oh That Jude. Haha 'course. Don't worry you can finish her album on Monday."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow"

As Tommy was making his way out Gmajour to collect baby Jude he was hoping that Courtney would be home when he gets back. He didn't know if she would be there. Didn't she mention some kind of party last night? Tommy didn't remember. That was how he was these days. Work and more work.

-x-x-x-

Jude stepped out of the large elevator. The meeting had gone well and she liked the two writers. Amanda was right. The movie was going to be a hit. Jude could feel it.

She stepped into her room and immediately remembered her little burst out at Amanda. Jude decided to take a long bath but looking at the time she only had 45 minutes. Instead she went and had a shower and immediately felt better. Water helped her.

She dried herself and went to her closet. She decided to wear a green dress. It was made like a kind of prom dress and was pretty short.

Going over to the make up table Jude put on some foundation and simple make up. She was ready to go.

In the limo Jude said sorry and patched things up between the two. What she didn't realise is that Amanda is very curious and was determined to find out more about Jude's music career. And not just because it involved Little Tommy Q – Amanda's crush.

-x-x-x-

At the restaurant Jude found it was very chic. Amanda chose to go back to the hotel- why Jude didn't know. She hoped Amanda wasn't upset about earlier. Inside a waiter took Jude to a VIP area and into a room.

"JUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sadie ran up to Jude and pulled her into the tightest hug Jude had ever experienced.

"Sades." Jude began to cry

"Why are you crying silly" Sadie was laughing because she finally saw her baby sister.

"I'm sorry for everything. I seemed to be screwing up lately"

"Don't worry its all in the past"

The two studied one another. Sadie realised that Jude was hot and Jude realised that Sadie didn't look a day over 25. She was elegant and Jude respected that. Sadie looked at Jude and it was obvious Jude was pretty much a fashionista. Someone Sadie gave up being. They sat down and began talking.

"So Jude how have you been"  
"You know busy… lots of things to do and no personal life"

"There was Dylan" Sadie pointed out. Jude's phone rang she glanced at it.

"Speaking of the devil. Excuse this would only be a minute"

Jude made her way outside.

"What do you want? God you got a girl pregnant! No I do not believe you. Fine good for her she had an abortion what would you like me to do"

"AHHHHHHHH" Someone screamed from the toilet that said 'No access'. Jude hung up and made her way over while her bodyguard, Lars stopped her.

"Sorry rockstar I'm responsible for your safety."  
"I'll scream if I need you"

Lars didn't seem too sure but she still made her way to the bathroom. She was stubborn like that.

Inside she found a horrible sight. A girl was getting raped. The guy held her against the wall. Jude panicked and didn't know what to do so she screamed. Her scream was so loud everyone in the restaurant heard her. The guy turned around and slapped her hard. She punched him back. She knew her training would come in handy. He recovered but she kicked him hard while Lars ran in held him back. "You horrible pig!" Jude spat.

The girl was sitting against the wall sobbing hard. Jude made her was over where the girl was bleeding and hugged her. The girl was bleeding so it was obviously her first time. She held onto Jude tight while everyone around her made a fuss. By now most the staff was in the loos and someone had dialled 911. Sadie looked at Jude and then at the girl and gasped "Courtney?"

An ambulance arrived with the police momentarily and Jude went with the girl in the ambulance. While Sadie proceeded to call a very angry Tommy.

-x-x-x-

**Please tell me what you think.**


	6. Wake up Alone

**AN: Happy new year everyone and I hope it's a good one for everyone!!!! R&R please!**

**Becoming Me **

Chapter 6 

**Wake Up Alone**

'Got so sick of crying' 

Jude sat next to Courtney holding her hand. She wasn't sure why. She glanced at the poor girl. She had piercing blue eyes. They reminded her of someone, Jude immediately dismissed that thought. The girl was colourless. She had straight brown hair and a fringe. Courtney was a pretty girl. She hadn't spoken and was shacking.

The room was small with a single bed. It was a hospital and had white sheets. Jude hated hospitals but felt she couldn't just leave the poor girl.

An officer came through with Sadie.

"Now darling, I need to know your name"

The girl just sat there quietly.

"Her name is Courtney Angelica Quincy" Sadie told the lady and turned with a to see Jude's reaction. She wasn't sure if Jude was ready to find out about Tommy's family and life.

Jude gasped and let go of Courtney's hand and really looked at her. She did look like Tommy and from the picture that Tommy had shown Jude of Angie she looked like Angie too. She looked a lot like her mother.

_Flashback_

"She's beautiful Tommy. No wonder you loved her." Jude held a picture of Tommy and Angie in her hands, studying the woman. She had pretty blue eyes and had blondish hair, browner really. She was elegant and was a natural beauty - Jude could see that.

That day Tommy told Jude lots of stories about the woman and how she helped him through the hell that Portia put him through. Jude was thankful Portia was in jail or Jude would have a serious show down with the woman.  
"It wasn't about that. I want you to know everything Jude. No secrets. No regrets. I love you girl." He smiled at her and gave her a sweet light kiss. She felt like nothing could break their relationship. The next day they would fly to Thailand.

"Jjjude" the tiny girl looked up and looked Jude into the eyes. Jude needed to protect the girl; she didn't know why she felt that way. Jude could see the girl trying to say something.

"Don't worry. You look a lot like your parents. Especially Angie." Jude nearly whispered the word Angie.

"Thank you" The girl spoke up.

The officer lady cleared her throat.

"Officer may I speak to you in private" Jude said and leaded the woman outside.

"Look, can you come back tomorrow. I'm sorry but I really don't think this is not the right time to speak to Courtney. She has just been raped" Jude couldn't understand the stupidity of the police sometimes. The girl was emotionally injured. And physically.

"Of course. I'm just here to find out who the parents are. I imagine you're not related. But I am a huge fan." The lady told Jude.

"Well life does the strangest things to you. "Jude smiled. She was always flattered when someone said they were her fan, no matter how famous she got. It was a nice feeling that her life hadn't been wasted and that there were people who appreciated Jude's effort. Jude laughed at herself sometimes; she had to have a meaning of everything in her life.

"Would you mind giving me an autograph? Please" the lady asked shyly.

"Of course" Jude signed an autograph and made her way back inside.

"Well she won't be bothering you till tomorrow." Jude smiled at the girl.

"I'm sorry. I must be causing an awful lot of trouble," Courtney said. Sadie obviously said something to the girl because the colour was coming back to her face.

Tommy burst through the door with Kwest just behind him.

"COURTNEY WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU STUPID OR IS IT SOMETHING YOU INHERITED," he continued shouting but Jude cut him short.

"Tommy. Shut. Up."

"EXCUSE ME " he was taken back.  
"Lets step outside" she said calmly.

"No. This is my daughter and I will not accept ORDERS from anyone."  
"Look Quincy whatever bullshit you have take it outside because your DAUGHTER has been raped and you have to accept that so I sagest you take your god-its-all-my-fault-as-usual crap outside and deal with it there, because I or any of us in this room will" Her voice got higher and higher. She had enough of this day. She was through with arguing and the last thing she needed is Tommy Quincy with his usual crap about how it's his fault as usual. She was tired of that; too many things had happened that day and Jude was physically exhausted.

"Excuse me, Jude" He spat out her name "but I'm not the bad guy here"

"I see you've switched your tactic here, now 'its not my fault, so I'll blame someone else but still blame myself'. Nice. Real nice Quincy." 

He stared at her. She had complete control over him and the room went silent. Jude sat back down next to Courtney who was, with Sadie, staring at Jude. No one spoke to Tommy like that. They usually accepted him like he was and just went on as usual after he got it out of his system. No one wanted to get into his bad books but obviously he had crossed Jude, she would not take him like everyone else did. She had to put him into his rightful place and everyone could see she about had enough of his nonsense.

"Hi daddy" Courtney said quietly. She stood up and hugged him. He held her tight. Jude looked at both of them and went outside. She felt like that girl, she wished she was that girl. Jude told herself she had to get a grip.

"Jude?" Sadie said.

"Yes Sades. Um… tell Courtney I'll see her later. I'm going to go back to the hotel."  
"Okay. But I would still like to well," Sadie laughed " have dinner with you"

"I missed you, you know that right" Jude hugged Sadie and began crying.

"Seriously Jude, If you are going to cry every time I hug you then you can forget about hugging me."

Jude laughed

"I know and I noticed that rather cute baby that Kwest was holding"

"Baby Jude."  
Jude began crying again

"Now I can't speak to you with ought you crying?"

"You named your baby after a song?" Jude chuckled.

"God. No I named that beautiful baby girl after you." Sadie smiled.

"Well since I'm an auntie I would like to meet her."

"Tomorrow, remember our usual café? 2.30? And you better not be late"

"Okay sis 2.30 sharp."

"Bye"

-x-x-x-

Inside Jude's room she quickly undressed out of her blood stained dress and went to have a very long bath.

She remembered Tommy and how he looked. He still wore his leather jacket but this one was new. She also noticed how muscly he got. His white t-shirt hugging every bicep that was visible through that tiny gap in the leather jacket. He got older but in a good way, there was that mystery air around him. His hair styled perfectly. Her heart began to break into tiny little pieces.

-x-x-x-

It was midnight and Tommy and his daughter came back home. She had recovered, or at least she wanted him to believe she had. Tommy sat down on the family couch and waited till he could here Courtney settle down.

He thought about Jude. She had gotten much thinner and he wasn't expecting to see her in the circumstances. She was very pretty. Her dress, which came down mid-thigh, hugged her body in the right places, making her irresistible. He noticed the blood stains on the dress and he guessed that they were from Courtney, thinking of that he wanted to stand up and kill the guy responsible for the attack. Apparently Jude punched the guy, which made Tommy smile. He couldn't get her very angry face out of his mind. She seemed so fed up and like she didn't have any feeling at all. He wasn't used to being shouted at and he sure wasn't used to being shouted at by Jude. His heart crashed into little tiny pieces again and again when he thought about what she had said "god-its-all-my-fault-as-usual crap" her words echoed his mind. Tommy knew Jude was angry with him. He only hoped she could forgive him. Just then the phone rang.

"Hello"

"Late night?"

"Yer."

"Well I couldn't sleep and though I really don't want to do this but I think I can not do it."

He chuckled

"Quit it Quincy I'm trying here. I want to see Courtney and somehow I doubt your fathering skills." She told him matter of factly.

"My fathering skills are fine Jude." He said rather annoyed.

"Have you been up to her room since you've come home?"

"No"

"Have you seen if she needs anything?"

"No"

"Have you checked if she's alive?" she said smiling, even though he couldn't see her smile

"I know she's alive. I'm not stupid."

"That's a matter of opinion, one you would be hurt to hear"

"Whatever" he said, realising that he had been sitting there thinking about her.

"Been thinking about me?" she asked as if reading his mind.

"Well…"

"Thought so." She stated.

"So do you still want to see Courtney?" he asked.

"Just because I happen to be on your mind doesn't mean it stops me from seeing Courtney." She told him quite annoyed.

"Who said you were on my mind. I was thinking I was more your hot topic subject"

"In your dreams"

"I think I am in yours" he couldn't help but be satisfied by annoying her.

"Well if you want to hear about my dreams that I suggest that we discuss it over coffee. " she said coldly.

"I'd love to, maybe we could make it a date"  
"I'll pass on the date but I'll take the coffee."

"When?"

"How bout now?"

"Now?"

"Well I want to see Courtney, at least make sure she's alive"

"Its 12 o'clock"

"I can handle late nights Quincy and anyway I am dieing for that coffee of yours"

"Yer just how you like it"

"Yes" she said sadly, remembering that she gave him a huge lecture after he made her cat's piss. It was the worst coffee she had ever tasted.

"Well fine than I'll be expecting you then"

And then she hung up, not sure of what she had gotten herself into.


	7. Love is a losing game part 1

AN: Sorry that this chapter took soooo long to write but well ive gotten back to school and ive got loads of work to do! Plus I took really long editing it! Please review, I would really appreciate it! This is just the first part. Becoming Me Chapter 7 Love is a losing Game part 1 

'_**And laughed at by the Gods'**_

Jude came out of the hotel only to be hassled by the photographers. Her bodyguard led her to her car. He drove her all the way to Tommy's house.

The house was in a good neighbourhood. It was very big, made out of chunky grey stone. It looked like a haunted mansion the only thing missing was a thick layer of smoke around the house. A bright full moon lit up the house causing Jude to be a little bit scared, and not just because of the person waiting for her inside. There were large gates that stopped them getting through to the house and as Jude called in the gates opened magically, well automatically but Jude still liked the idea of magic, that was the only thing that would help her get through that night. She stepped out of her car and ordered Lars to go back to the hotel. She noticed the old viper parked outside along with many stylish cars. She smiled remembering that Tommy would never leave the viper as it was "his baby", that thought in mind she smiled, the smile quickly faded though as she realised he had a baby - Courtney.

Jude had spent much of the journey thinking about Courtney. When had Tommy gotten her? When Jude left she was 18, now 28, so Courtney must've been 6 because she's 16 now. Well Jude had suspected that Tommy had a child after their misfortunate 'first' date on where he, as usual, ran out on her.

As she got nearer to the door her stomach was tying knots and she felt her coffee travel up her throat. No Jude, you have to do this for yourself, she kept telling herself that, over and over again.

_Flashback_

_Where is Tommy? God, what did he forget? Half an hour late! She looked down at her watch every few seconds. She was worried. I've got to call him. No Jude. He will show up. It must be something important. It HAS to be something important or we'll miss the flight! Arghh today of all days, he has to be late. -Speaker: Please passangers who are going to Thailand go and border at Gate 3. -_

_End of Flashback_

The colour in her face had gone and she collected herself. Remember what Karma said:"Face your fears. You're better. You are not worth him. You, Jude, are a strong minded woman who has built your career from scratch" God, Jude needed to borrow some of those philosophical books from her neighbour. Believe it or not Karma is Jude's neighbour and after Spied cheated on her she realised the meaning of life and now is Jude's best friend. Karma is helping Sadie organize D's Birthday bash. She had missed Karma and was going to kill her for not mentioning Tommy had a kid. Lil' Tommy Q – a father! Who could have ever imagined.

Jude was now positioned in front of the huge wooden doors that would lead her inside. She took a deep breath and knocked.

"I was wondering when you were going to come in"

"I like to take my time. I see your 'baby' is still there." She said referring to his viper.

"Indeed and you are still the only person I ever let to drive It." He told her but then regretted it, as he knew it would stir up some old memories.

"Well now it's like a vintage car" she chuckled

"Haha very funny"

"It is!"

"How do you like my house?" Tommy said deciding to change the subject.

"Well that depends if a Mrs Quincy might pop out any minute behind you!" She said continued adding " Since you have a daughter I guess there's nothing stopping you from having a wife and maybe baby Tommys?" she said genuinely interested but he could sense the bitterness in her voice.

"Well no its just me and Courtney"

As if on cue Courtney ran down the stairs to see her dad talking to someone in the doorway.

"Dad? Who's there?"

"Oh hi Courtney, I hope you don't mind me coming I was just um… worried, I know your dad and I just had to make sure he wasn't keeping you locked up. He can be harsh." Jude added in a whisper while Courtney giggled.

"That is so not true" Tommy raised his tone.

"Are you gonna let the pretty lady in dad?" Courtney smiled while the other two didn't really get the joke.

"Of course" he said and let Jude in.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jude asked worriedly.

"Not really no" Courtney said her face falling.

"Well while your daddy" she said smiling despite herself "makes me a cup of coffee and you a cup of hot chocolate with cream, we can watch TV. Only if you have one of course." Jude smiled.

"Right!" Courtney had a huge grin on her face. "Wait how did you know I LOVE hot chocolate and cream?!" Courtney asked surprised.

"I used to love it and believe it or not your dad ordered that for me the first time we went to starbucks" she told Courtney.

"My dad took you to starbucks?"

"Oi there's nothing wrong with starbucks!" He said defensively "Do you want to go to the living room?" He said while they followed.

They arrived in the living room to find a very cosy room. It had soft beige wallpaper and the whole room was covered in photos of family and friends. There was a large fireplace, which was lit while the light was off. Various candles were placed around the room. There was a flat screen TV on the wall above the large fireplace. Jude went up to the fireplace to see the pictures in frame. There was one of the whole of Gmajour, after it's re-opening. Some of Tommy with Plain White T's – a band Jude loved. Then in the middle there's a large picture of Jude and Tommy in the studio, smiling. She remembered Kwest begged to take that picture. The next picture was of her and him again only when they were screaming in the studio. She felt the urge to cry.

Jude turned to see Courtney looking at her. She simply provided a small sad smile and turned back around staring at those two pictures. Courtney interrupted the silence.

"That's what my dad does, stare at those pictures."

"I didn't know he had these" she said her voice a tiny whisper.

"Well when I was little I always wanted to meet you as you were my favourite actress-then and now-but he just told me that I couldn't meet you as he didn't know where to find you"

Just then Tommy walked in.

"I guess you saw the pictures" he said concerned at what Jude had told Courtney.

"I'm not blind, Quincy. And anyway I look good so I don't see why the frown." She told him getting annoyed, as she didn't want to discuss the past with him, or anyone else for that matter.

"Okay. There's your coffee," He said coldly.

"Hello? Third person in room, explain please!" Courtney sensed the uptight vibe in the room and she found it very furstraighting when people went into personal subjects and then shut her out of their conversations.

"Don't worry. Can I see your bedroom?" Jude changed the subject and drank half her coffee in one gulp, causing Tommy to smile. He understood why she needs the caffeine.

"Fine, lets go." Courtney said, pissed of at the quick change of subject when she knew there was a very interesting story behind Jude and her father.

Courtney's room was massive. The large room had pink walls and a four-poster bed. There was a large stereo and Jude noticed a poster of herself. She went up to the stereo and looked through Courtney's CD collection. Jude noticed that ALL of Tommy's artists were in that collection, including herself.

After settling into her bed Courtney drifted off to sleep while Jude looked around the room. After a few minutes she turned the flat screen TV on and began watching 'E!', the news was on, Jude began watching.

"And now for the number 1 story of today: Jude Harrison saves a girl, but not just any girl, reports say that this certain girl is the only Courtney Quincy- yes 'Lil Tommy Q's daughter! Jude was reportedly dating her ex-producer years ago and now they are once more reunited in the most peculiar of situations. Courtney –now sent home- had been raped and Jude saved the 16-year-old girl. Bet Tommy will be happy! That's all for now, don't forget to tune in tomorrow for some hot gossip and the follow on from the tragic story of the once much loved couple!"

Jude shook her head and was disgusted. Just because she had "saved" the girl doesn't mean she's going to let Tommy get to her, she'd learnt the hard way! The tabloids are full of crap! As far as she was concerned as soon as she makes sure Courtney is okay she's a goner. Her visit has NOTHING to do with Tommy. Right.

She was startled to hear Courtney shout "NO STOP PLEASE! RICK NOOO!" Jude immediately ran to where Courtney was sleeping and shook the young innocent girl. Courtney woke up and began crying. They sat there while Tommy looked at them; he was leaning against the doorframe. He was glad Jude came over, he wasn't sure of what to do in this situation.

Jude motioned for Courtney to lie down. She was sitting there quietly and stroking the girl's hair. She was glad she came over but at the same time she didn't want to get attached to Courtney. Courtney began falling asleep but quickly opened her eyes as if she was too scared to sleep.

"I can't sleep. I have the same vision in my head" Courtney said beginning to cry again.

"Shhh, its okay. If there's one thing I've learnt is that men in general are bastards and well, they're not worth crying over. All through my teenage years the only thing that helped me get over a guy" 'Tommy' Jude added silently added "is writing songs. I don't really know you but I imagine you wouldn't be bad at singing coz your dad can sing and he's a pretty good producer so you must've inherited some musical talent. I know your mother was a great singer- at least that's what I heard" Jude told the girl; oblivious that Tommy was watching the two talk.

"I help dad with song's sometimes and I write but well I don't know how to put my feelings into words!"  
"Writer's block- that's what it's called"

"Is that what's happened to you?" Courtney asked curiously

"No, I just choose not to be in the industry anymore." Said Jude

"Oh, why not? Everyone says you love to sing and you're an amazing writer. I know, I listened to your Cds" That made Jude smile.

"My favourite song is White Lines and Liar Liar"

"Hey girls what you up to?" Tommy decided to interrupt the conversation, as he was sure it would lead down a black hole.

"Hi dad we're talking about Jude's music!" Courtney said with a sleepy-eyed smile. Jude was amazed at just how quickly Courtney's mood could change.

"Yes she was just telling me how much she liked White Lines and Liar Liar" Jude faced Tommy with a fix-it expression on her face.

"I love how you really put your feeling across especially in That Girl, it really is music."

"You know what ,one very clever friend of mine told me once that working on a song is like falling in love. First it's a rush, but then it's painful, and sometimes you gotta walk away. But sometimes, you come out with something beautiful and I think you need to put your emotions forward and don't ever hide them away because that person was the closest thing I had at the time and when I had to walk away it hurt but at the end I dealt with my emotions and whatever that's inside has to come out. Just try it ok?" Jude told Courtney maybe trying to send Tommy a message as if to say 'I've moved on' even though both Jude and Tommy know she hasn't.

"I promise. Just out of curiosity, who is that guy?"

"Curiosity killed the cat. I have to go its already 3 AM." Jude stood up but hugged Courtney first, who whispered, "I will find out" just to make Jude stay but to Courtney's surprise Jude just smiled.

"Tommy where's the bathroom?"

"On the left" He told her.

"I'll be back in a sec," Jude told them both.

-x-x-x-


	8. Love is a losing game part 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! I really appreciate them and if you have any suggestions for where this story should be going I would love to hear them  as I really don't have an ending and I really am stuck! Reviews will all be loved! **

**A/N 2: Jude thoughts are in _italics _**

**Tommys are in ****underline**

**A/N 3:Song used: ****T2 ft. Jodie Aysha – Heartbroken

* * *

**

**Becoming Me **

**Chapter 7 pt 2**

**_Love is a losing Game part 2_**

'_**And laughed at by the Gods'**_

Jude stood in the long hallway outside Courtney's big pink door. She took a deep breath. Something she had learnt calmed her down a lot, after Karma made Jude do all of the pilatees DVDs and then take classes, naturally Jude became addicted. She replaced music with this hobby. It helped her think a lot about 'home' or the famous 'past' of hers. It was really the only time that Jude got to really think of the reasons why to not come back to Toronto and strangely she found a new one every single time, most of them had something to do with _Tommy_.

Now where was that loo again? Ahh Jude why can't you consentrate. He said on the right. Yes on the right.

Jude was now walking right, down to the very end of the wall. She noticed all of the family pictures on the wall: Tommy's 'Boyz Attack' Platinum CDs, and some photos of Gmajour. Walking through the dark hallway Jude became increasingly inpatient, for some reason, studying each of the photos she could only pick out how good Tommy looked! His eyes smiling at her, and hers staring heartbrokenly at him.

'I'm heartbroken (without your love)  
I'm heartbroken (yes, I've had enough)  
I'm heartbroken  
And I don't know what to say  
I've never felt this way' she sang to herself.

Stop it now Jude! He left you and not the other way around. Why the hell am I so stupid! This is never going to work. I should just stop kidding myself and just go and 'hide' out, as Amanda would call it, at the hotel.

God, do I even need the loo anymore?

There was only one door there and Jude opened it. She was expecting a more, um, formal room. Instead she found Tommy's bedroom. She let out a sigh.

_I can't go in! Its invasion of privacy but… one look can't hurt. Right?_

In all her doubts Jude's curiosity took her over. She had to come in and look. Jude could hear her heart pumping loudly in her chest. She was nervous. In her head Jude was thinking that if she would get caught it was the end of her life, as she knew it. Tommy would never let her live that down. At least the Tommy she knew, the one she wanted to forget.

Stepping into the large room, Jude turned the light on. The room was a light but almost a dark shade of blue, like the ocean. She smiled to herself as she realised her bedroom in London was the same shade. The colour was called 'Royale Blue'. She had spent lots of time into putting the right colours and furniture into her large, expensive house. Tommy's bed looked comfortable. It was king-sized and she really, really wanted to know just how comfortable it was, maybe even if Tommy was there…

_No, no, no, no, NO. All this tiredness is making me thinking about things I shouldn't even be considering! Bad, bad, bad Jude. _Jude was cursing at herself.

There was a large built in wardrobe with huge mirrors outside on the sliding doors. A large sofa was standing in the corner and a flat screen TV on the wall. Jude had also noticed that there was something quite large open on the coffee table that was positioned in front of the sofa.

She walked up to the table and noticed the stillness of the room, the night sky alive as the bright full moon shone brightly outside the window. Jude could hear her slow deep breaths going in and out, in and out. Her mind busy with thought.

Well I could just peek at it. Whatever it is it must be important because so far Tommy's room is spotless and if I find something lying around it must be something quite resent or something that he had looked at before I came here.

Jude slowly bent down to look at the large photo album in front of her. The cover had a little heart on it and as Jude was about to open it her phone started ringing. The ringer was very loud and Jude was afraid Tommy might hear the sound. She got up quickly, pressed answer, and with ought thinking grabbed the album and shoved it into her oversized channel bag.

"Hello" Jude was now quickly walking down to the other end of the hall, so that she wouldn't get caught peeking into Tommy's room.

"Jude! Lance is on his way to pick you up the paps know that you're at Tommy's house! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU'RE IN!!! FRONT PAGE NEWS J U D E! " Amanda was yelling down the phone. For some reason she was always a tad over-protective over Jude and when Jude did something stupid [or something Amanda thought was stupid Amanda had to get her emotions out.

"For god's sake! I told you years ago –I DO NOT care! But as you wish I will get out of here now. Tell lance to be at the gate in 5."  
"Fine" Amanda turned the phone off in a huff, which made Jude giggle. Amanda acted like Jude's mum and now that Jude's mum wasn't in the picture Amanda seemed to fill the woman's shoes perfectly minus the cheating and the sleeping around. Jude loved Amanda dearly.

-x-x-x-

Positioned in front at the front door Jude peeked out of the hall window. What she found made her turn a shade of white. Outside all around the gate were photographers- eagerly waiting for Jude to show up coming out of Tommy Quincy's front door at 4am in the morning. If they got lucky maybe this could get into the morning papers. Yay for Jude. Lots of angry phone calls from various 'official' people [ha my arse and Jude pretty much could see that this was another major drama, maybe they could dig so much more dirt up on her and Tommy that the drama with Dylan would be long forgotten, but Jude knew that the paparazzi never forget anything. The only difference this time will be that Jude knew Tommy would never give interviews and try and make money out of their broken relationship.

Shit gotta call **him **back!

Jude smiled at Tommy and Courtney, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She sighed heavily and told them:

"I'm off"

And with no other words she left, just to be hassled by the many photographers who were very eager to get a shot of her.

Meanwhile inside Tommy went up to his room and he couldn't find the photo album he had been looking at before Jude arrived. Panic washed over his body. Please don't let her see it. God, please, please, tell me I lost it and she didn't take it. 

-x-x-x-

* * *

Please review! i know it seems stupid but your opinions really do help carry on but if i dont know what you guys think then i assume you don't like the story! Thanks 


	9. Merry Happy

**Please READ! **

**A/n: this is a really short update for everyone to know that im still thinking about the story as I haven't actually got a proper plan for this… I though I did but I don't anymore! I've decided that currently Jude is at Darious' birthday and about to go onto the stage. Hopefully as you read this you will realize what's happened and im going to go back to the events of the week as Jude gets up onto the stage. I would really like to hear what you think should happen before this actual part! And also please give me song ideas that Jude should sing up on the stage: remember this is a Tommy I hate u song- and I can't THINK of one, it's actually killing me!!! I LOVE reviews [hint hint**

**Becoming me **

**Chapter 8**

Merry Happy 

'_**But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around'**_

_Do you ever get that feeling when you've changed after a movie? I do. I think that's the main reason I went into the business. Before it was only my music that changed the world but I remember sitting in the empty suit in Thailand and watching "a walk to remember", something happened. It was like I cried my eyes out when I knew people around the world had different unpleasant situations happening to them at the EXECT same time. I really thought hard about Tommy and how he well, abandoned me. I didn't want to have anything else to do with him. I made a promise to myself never to fall under his stupid spell. _

_I really don't know why I did it. Maybe it was Courtney's pleading look or Sadie's lecture that I received at our grand lunch. I was too overwhelmed to say anything so I agreed. I decided to sing. _

X-x-x-

Jude was so angry with Tommy. She wished she didn't ever find that stupid "Album". She really didn't need that information on her hands. She really did regret coming to Toronto. Staying in her nice apartment, facing the London eye seems like the best place on earth to Jude.

When she arrived in her long black limo onto the red carpet all the paparazzi went crazy. She didn't take the easy option of hiding out in her hotel room just waiting till the 'Tommy crap' washed over. Amanda had convinced Jude to use the media to her advantage, so that's exactly what Jude did.

On the read carpet Jude wore a Valentino Couture gown designed as a one-off for her. The gown was silk and hugged Jude's figure perfectly. The creamy milk shade suited her colour tone while her red popping lipstick stuck out as the best seller of her finished look.

This night Jude was going to show Tommy- and the rest of the world that leaving her is SO not the thing to do.

-x-x-x-

**A/n so I know that pretty much sucked but I know what I want to do but its just not getting into my head! SO I need to know what you all guys think! This is actually getting reduculous out of the 21 of you people who have this story on alert ony ONE person has sent a review so i agree with eternita14 and put this story on hold till i get at least 6 reviews! so if u like this review... **

_**x**_


	10. Flashback

**A/N I decided to do another plan for this story but when I set down I decided to –sadly- throw it away. From now on I'm on my own. This chapter is basically moving things on and showing you guys what Jude was up to during the past week and how she's getting back onto the stage. And most importantly WHY… please tell me what you think and again if you want something to happen in the story tell me please! Your suggestions and opinion means a lot! **

**Becoming me **

**Chapter 9**

**Flashback**

'_**So sad, thought I was over you too fast'**_

Jude was pacing in the room. She was contemplating weather to go through with her little scheme or not. Just as she was about to walk out the room he entered.

"Jude talk to me" he practically begged.

"Um Tommy I'm a little busy if you haven't noticed. I'm busy avoiding your ex wife with my ex boyfriend. I'm freaking busy avoiding you because right now if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna seriously hurt you. I'm busy trynna sing after TEN MISARABLE SODDING YEARS" she screamed at him, visibly relaxing.

"Calm down just breathe." He said sympathetically, to what she laughed. Jude was in proper hysterics, tears forming in her eyes until she sat down on one of the, closest to her, chairs and just looked at him blankly.

"Calm down?" Jude said in the calmest voice she could manage," Calm freaking down? There are 10 billion people that are going to watch this LIVE broadcast. I have to put on a show and sing to the man who sold me to you" she said, as she couldn't believe that he hadn't figured it out yet. She began laughing once more. Not only did she find this out after she'd seen him alone for the first time but actually she was trying to accept the fact he had a daughter. God, the stupid album, curiosity did get the better of her but you know what they say – curiosity killed the cat and right now she was going to drop dead if she didn't figure out what to do.  
"Is this what this whole thing is about?" Tommy asked and sat down on the opposite side of the table facing her.

She stood up and started pacing. Finally Jude took a deep breath and began, her voice was getting higher and higher as she began to talk.

"Okay Tommy this is what I think happened: You were trying to get me to come to Thailand with you. In the middle of it all you decided that I just wont come with you because I love music too much so you go to Darious to try and get my album off him. D being D decides to do a little deal with you. He sells me off to you to keep you quite about your mad ex wife, who, by the way, was trying to MARRY you while she was in prison. The day we fly you find out about Courtney and get scared again so don't show up. You haven't got the curtsey to once call me and explain the situation but leave me hanging until I find out for myself, 10 years LATER. Well what the fuck did you think I'd do? Go back and HUMILIATE myself before you, and even if I did come back and didn't get onto that plane you wouldn't have ever thought of calling me. You hurt me once too many times. Portia is mentally MAD she was manipulating my boyfriends to hurt me. She sent you the letters and the plans. How could you Tommy, did you ever think of telling me? You hurt me so then you couldn't do the job you let someone else do it? My life is just a JOKE." She screamed and swiftly run out the room leaving Tommy speechless.

He stood there, unsure of what to do. He didn't want to ruin D's birthday but he was also unsure of who Jude was madder at: Darious or him. He made his way outside just to find Jude 'mingling' in the crowd. She looked like an angel but he knew that if he wasn't careful he was going to bring out the devil in her.

Courtney made her way to Tommy and he looked over his daughter. She wore a very beautiful –tight- (he'll tell her off about it tomorrow) red dress. It had beautiful detailing around the hem and he was sure this was Jude's idea to make her look so adorable that he wouldn't have the strength to tell his daughter off.

He was greeted by some famous faces but tried to avoid his old 'flames' as Courtney has the tendency to get curious. What Tommy didn't know is that his daughter's skill got Jude to sing and got Courtney a record contract –the one Tommy still had no clue about.

Everyone began to get inside a large party area with a stage at the bottom of the room. The theme was elegant but yet not too dressy, which was unusual for D, as he like to make a bold statement, but then again this was Sadie and Karma's decision so they had to please everyone. Their table was in front of the stage right in the middle. They had a good view of all the room while also having a great view of the stage. At their table were all the close people to D: Tommy, Courtney, Sadie, Kwest, Karma and SME whom Jude hasn't seen yet. Jude was arranged to sit at that table and her seat had been saved. She was worried about Karma and Spied situation but Karma was worried Jude would bite Spied's head off.

The Lights went down and fireworks were lit from the stage. The room turned different colours in a matter of second and Jude's soft voice entered the room.

"Hello Everyone. We're here to celebrate a man whose been one of my closest friends but even though Darious has been our best friend and if we're not too lucky our worst enemy we still love him for who he is" This little speech was followed by lots of whistles and clapping. Jude's voice was transmitted through different speakers in the room so Tommy was never too sure where she was.

"Now I want to say happy birthday but in my own little way. He has been begging me to do this for almost 10 years and now…"

_Shut up and drive started playing_

There was lots of smoke everywhere and Jude came up from the bottom of the stage. She was placed on a car. –Wait a minute is that the VIPER?!


	11. Lets get the party started

Becoming Me Chapter 10 

**Let's get the party started **

'_I got lots of style with my gold diamond rings'_

To say Jude was a vision was an understatement. She looked like any man's dream and the person that every girl wanted to be. Wearing tiny shorts and a very, very tight top she was on top of Tommy's viper. The pussycat dolls looked bad next to her. She looked hot and sophisticated and to say that she was going to make it onto the world's sexiest women list was just funny because looking like that she was the world's sexiest woman.

Loud cheers and whistles filled the room and Darious was shocked. Tommy looked stunned and angry. She got his car up on stage and no matter how hot she looked –that he wasn't even going to think about- she had no right no matter how mad at him she was.

"T, man, just leave it." Kwest asked Tommy to basically back off.

"Did you know about this?" Tommy asked angrily.

"No I just dragged you over here three hours early" Kwest said sarcastically adding, "She asked me man I couldn't refuse. The two Harrisons make a good team" Kwest chuckled slightly. "Just enjoy the show coz I have a feeling that it's not over yet" And with that the room quietened down and got ready for Miss Harrison's performance.

Jude's dancers were dancing around her while the lady herself started to dance.

I've been lookin' for a driver who is qualified  
So if you think that you're the one step into my ride  
I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine  
With a sunroof top and a gangster lean 

Jude was now on the front of the car and locked gazes with Tommy.

**  
So if you feel me let me know, know, know  
Come on now what you waitin' for, for, for  
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode  
So start me up and watch me go, go, go**

She was singing to him. Leting him know she wasn't waiting around anymore. She was sick of him. Sick of waiting.  
**  
Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean  
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine**

She winked into the camera and was smiling uncontrolably. She wasn't hiding anymore and even though this song is just some fun she felt every word that came out of her mouth and it felt _good_.

Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?  
If you can baby boy then we can go all night 

She came off the car and stated dancing the complecated dance routine.

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five  
Baby you got the keys  
Now shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)  
Shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive) 

Tommy was amazed. She was playing dirty with his head, heck any man would feel like that if they had her staring at him with just that look. It said it all to Tommy it said stop being such a mess because he knew when she wrote that song it was a new perspective of their relationship. A perspective that she wanted to try out.

I got class like a '57 Cadillac  
Got all the drive with a whole lot of boom in the back.  
You look like you can handle whats under my hood  
You keep saying that you will boy I wish you would 

She kept staring at Tommy just singing her heart out.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know  
Come on now what you waitin' for, for, for  
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode  
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go 

Letting him know that she was ready to go onto a different level.

Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean  
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine  
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?  
If you can baby boy then we can go all night 

Dylan was sending daggers Tommy's way. He didn't want for her to sing like that, never mind dressed like that. It didn't matter about Portia and her little plan, if Tommy didn't watch it around Jude then he really had one thing coming, Dylans fist.

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five  
Baby you got the keys  
Now shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)  
Shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive) 

Jude looked over to where Dylan and Portia were sitting. Of course part of Jude's plan was to mess with Dylans head a bit. He knew that the song wasn't about him but he also didn't know that after this night Portia would get covicted for 2 murder charges. Jude was sure of it and because of this he better have a little fun with the woman that potentially ruined Jude's life.

Cause' you play that game, got what I got (get it get it)  
Don't Stop, It's a sure shot  
Aint no Ferrari, huh boy, I'm sorry  
I ain't even worried  
So step inside and ride 

Portia was getting really uncomfortable. She had enough of Jude and her little 'decleration' for love of cars, knowing Jude it probably had a different meaning but seriously, Portia was convinced no one would buy this song its too tacky. She was also getting enoyed at how every man, includign Dylan, was staring at Jude's body. Portia knew she couldn't make Jude look any better which caused Portia to have that glint of gelousy running through her eyes.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know  
Come on now what you waitin' for, for, for  
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode  
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go 

Jude was in the zone now. She missed the stage so much and was enjoying her performance.

Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean  
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine  
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?  
If you can baby boy then we can go all night 

The last of the complicated dance moves finished and Jude was glad because she had a few more songs to sing and if she kept this up then she wasn't going to be able to move tomorrow, never mind start shooting a film!

Goes from 0 to 60 in three point five  
Baby you got the keys  
Now shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)  
Shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)  
Shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)  
Shut up and drive  
(Drive, drive, drive)

As the song finished the lights dimmed and Sadie came up on stage. The car and Jude (on it again) went down to wherever it came from.

"Hello and welcome!" Sadie said dressed in stunnig off the sholder Atelier Versace black gown.

"I hope you've all enjoyed the show so far" The crowd cheered at the statement and sadie started smiling, obviously proud of her little sister.

"They always did say Jude could put on a show," She added and all the man whooped, causing all the women to roll their eyes. "Well the show's not over yet." Sadie said while the lights went out once again, causing Jude to come up. She stood behind a mike. Dressed in a beautiful Jean-Paul Gautier gown made up of 'scales', complete with intricate silver detailing and train, and accessorised with Chopard jewellery. She looked stunning and then a slow melody entered the room. Jude locked her eyes with Tommys.

"This one's for you, babe" She spoke softly, knowing that this was the ending of her 10-year-old nightmare.


	12. Everything good comes to an end

A/n This chapter I just wanted to let you all know about how Jude feels and what is in her head. I hope you like it and if you're not enjoying this then tell me to stop writing! Constructive criticism is always welcome  

**Song: When it rains by Paramore**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything!**

Becoming Me 

**Chapter 11**

**Everything Good Comes to an End**

'_**Flames to dust, lovers to friends'**_

_Jude locked her eyes with Tommys. _

"_This one's for you, babe" She spoke softly, knowing that this was the ending of her 10-year-old nightmare. _

_-x-x-x-_

In some ways standing there scared Jude. It wasn't because of all the people but because of that one special person. The one that she'll sing for tonight. The one she trusted her heart with.

Will he or won't he get it? Who knew and she wanted to find out.

Tommy took a deep breath, ready for whatever it is she had for him. He was scared. He smiled despite himself thinking that she was the only one to ever make him feel something deeper. Maybe it was love, but he wasn't sure he had the right to feel it now.

Before she came his life was just a 'whatever' topic but she made him see that there are more important things in life than just money, fame and ,of course, women.

Immediately her voice entered the room, full of sorow and hatered but also determination.

And when it rains,  
On this side of town it touches, everything.  
Just say it again and mean it.  
We don't miss a thing.

Jude wrote this song on the plain to Thailand. It was a long trip but this song was the end of her 'feelings' for Tommy. Or at least she hoped that it was. She gave up on him. Too tired to fight anymore. She did what he did best. Tried to forget.

You made yourself a bed  
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)  
And convinced yourself that  
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

FLASHBACK

"_Tommy where the hell are you? The plane is bording!"_

"_Jude I'm sorry. I can't come"  
"Excuse me?! What do you mean you can't come?"_

"_Its complecated" _

"_Its always damn complecated, Tommy."  
"Jude its not up to me."_

"_Oh so who is it up to? You're a grown man Tommy! Make your own decisions" She was screaming now down the phone._

"_Jude. You know I love you"_

_Click_

**  
And oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
Oh, oh, I need the ending.  
So why can't you stay  
Just long enough to explain?  
**

In some ways she knew that it was her fault for hanging up. She wanted those words to be the last she heard from him. Not 'I'm sorry 'or not 'Please' and definanetely not 'We didn't happen' but 'I love you'. That's all she ever wanted to hear him say those three simple words that meant so much to her. She anted them to mean more. To mean something

**And when it rains,  
Will you always find an escape?  
Just running away,  
From all of the ones who love you,  
From everything.**

She wanted to hear the story. She needed it. It was like he took away her oxygen supply and she couldn't do anything about because she was choking, choking on his untold lies.

**  
You made yourself a bed  
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)  
And you'll sleep 'til May  
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore  
**

Throught the years she wished he missed her. She tried and tried to forget but she couldn't . He snached everything away from her. All her feelings. Maybe that's why most of her relationships didn't work, but then that was down to Portia.

When Tommy left her she realised on the plane that her music was about him, weather it was to piss him off or weather it was about them, it was always Tommy that held her mind and he possesed her heart. She wanted to brake free, but still her heart was with him no matter how badly she wanted to claim it back.

**  
And oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
And oh, oh, I need the ending.  
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?  
**

if she made an album he would know exactly how insecure and lost she felt withough him. She wanted him to think of her as a strongwoman, able to fight, anle to forget. Jude made herself give music up, if Tommy wasn't in her life than why remind herself of him? It would only hurt more.

**  
Take your time.  
Take my time.  
**

She din't care about anything. She needed the truth. Giving up is his charecteristic not Jude's and she was determined, even sure, that before she left she was going to get the complete truth.

**  
Take these chances to turn it around. (take your time)  
Take these chances, we'll make it somehow  
And take these chances to turn it around. (take my...)  
Just turn it around.  
**

Through the past couple of weeks she just wated to kiss him so badly. She wanted to be with him. She wanted a life that had him in it. So, ok, he had a kid. Jude likes Cortney and she was pretty sure Courtney liked her. More like idolized her.

**  
Oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
Oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
Oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
Oh, oh I need an ending.  
So why can't you stay  
Just long enough to explain?  
**

If Tommy wasn't ready then Jude needed an explenation. She wanted to have a normal life. She needed to let go.

**  
You can take your time, take my time.****   
**

Because she had plans that evening and she was determined to let go of her past and focus on a future, even if it didn't involve Tommy.


	13. Why?

A/N I just wrote this and I'm pretty happy on how it turned out! Its just the fill in to the next one which I hope will be good  Thank you to all of you who take the time and leave a line about this, it really does make my day –which kinda sounds sad but heh- so please tell me what you think, and your ideas about where this should go are always welcome Disclaimer: (I forgot to put these on for this story, so this is for the whole story :S) I own nothing 

Songs used in the previous chapters were: Let it rain by Paramore (One of my favourite songs) and Shut up and Drive by Rihanna

Becoming Me 

**Chapter 12**

**Why? **

'Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut' 

As the party drew closer to an end Jude became more and more irritated. Normally she would've been more than happy to have every single, and the not so single, men hit on her but this night she couldn't get into element.

As time passed Jude was glad to go home. A little bit upset that she didn't get to see everyone she swiftly made her way out, her bodyguards behind her. As she came out of the large building she was greeted by lots of screaming fans, eagerly waiting for her. She put on her fake smile and went down withought signing any autographs, which was unusual, but then stopped for the paparazzi to snap shots of her. When reaching the end of the red caret she expected to see her black limo but instead a very slick black Porsche stood there with Tommy inside. He rolled down the window and asked, "Need a lift Miss?" Tommy put on his best English accent as if trying to sound a little bit like a chauffer. Jude laughed in response and looked back at the bodyguards nodded her head and got into the car.

"Where to miss?" Tommy asked finally putting a real smile on her face.

"Anywhere but here, oh and try and loose them." Jude said referring to the black car waiting for them to leave so that they could follow.

"Can't you just tell them to leave?"

"Nope"

"Oh"  
"Don't oh me. One of them always has to stay by me for safety reasons unless I fire the lot and let me tell you its hard to find a good bodyguard company. That's on Darious' orders for tonight. He said that his guests' safety comes first and he wouldn't want to be responsible if something happened to me tonight. Things are back to normal tomorrow though" She stated matter of factly.

Tommy laughed causing Jude to glare at him.

"Ok miss you shall have your ways." He said jokingly. Tommy started driving and to her surprise the black car behind went the other way.

He glanced at her and told her "I thought you might object to them following you around all day so I told D that I would be your bodyguard for this night"  
"So you like have to stay with me the whole NIGHT" She asked a bit horrified at the thought.

"I don't bite," He said winking at her.

"Is this how you lure girls?"

"I don't need to lure anyone"

"Yer right"

"I didn't need to lure you" Tommy said with a chuckle.

"No you're right you did and then decided that you didn't want me," She said, an uncomfortable silence setting over them.

Jude turned the radio up causing Tommy to look at her cautiously.

"Geez chill out, I have a Porsche just like this." She stated annoyed that he didn't trust her.

Her statement brought him back to reality and the fact that she wasn't the naïve 16 year old anymore but she'd turned into a woman. One who had a good taste in cars, he thought.

"Lost in thoughts? Am I the beautiful girl on your mind," she asked flirtatiously causing Tommy to jump.

"Jumpy are we?" She laughed at him. His reaction was priceless; the look of shock and horror on his face was to die for.

"No, not at all girl" he said, finally realising her game. He casually put one hand on her thigh and squeezed it. Jude swore her heart skipped a beat but brushed it off producing a wide smile for Tommy. He was expecting her to flinch or to say something but no, the blow never came.

They continued to drive along until they got to the lake where, years ago, Tommy took Jude to practise for the first time. She got out of the car a little bit uncomfortable in her long, red carpet, dress. She looked beautiful under the moonlight and as Jude looked around she was pleased to see that no paparazzi were hiding in the bushes or people weren't screaming her name or there wasn't a bodyguard in sight. It was funny being famous the only real self time you got was in hotel rooms where the hotels were obliged to provide security for you and make sure that there weren't paparazzi hiding on the balcony etc.

Jude took a deep breath and just took in the beautiful scenery. A reflection of the full moon danced along the clear blue water. When Jude snapped back to reality she took off her 7-inch heels and began to walk along the bank of the lake. She joined Tommy who was standing there looking at the setting sun. He took her hand and they began to walk along, a comfortable silence filled the air.

Jude became quite sad and dropped his hand suddenly. He looked at her questionably but she started to walk back up to the car.

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked concerned.

"I had lyrics in my mind, that's what" She snapped at him, irritated.

"You're a musician what'd expect?" He asked struggling to catch up with her as she picked up speed. "Girl stop" He ran in front of her and put his two firm hand on her shoulders. A flashback ran through her mind of the night of her 16th Birthday, where he took her shoulders and told her that 'the kiss' never happened.

There she looked into his eyes. Its funny because after she went on that plane to Thailand Jude never thought love existed. You could even say that she gave up on it. There she was, loved up with the man that left her.

"No Tommy I'm no musician. I'm an actress and my job is to act. Is to perform what people want to see. Happy, sad, irritated or in love I never get the chance to be me anymore! I'm in a freaking Valentino dress. Look at me. The life I have is no place for you." She said regretting what she said at once. He could tell the regret by her eyes. He could see a bit of the old Jude come out, the spark in her eyes was visible.

"You don't mean that, you're just mad."

"And now you know how I feel?"

"No but your not letting me in!" He said raising his voice

"Oh I'm sorry well lets the last time that happened ya left me!" She told him.

"Well I'm sorry, its what happened. I didn't think you would appreciate me having a baby to look after"

"WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET IT I LOVED YOU!" she screamed at him, making Tommy speechless. Jude walked over to the car and got into the passenger's seat, waiting for him but to her annoyance he never came.

Irritated she went out of the car only to see him sitting on a bench.

"Sit, we need to talk"


	14. Confessions

AN: I just watched 'Won't get fooled again' and I'm feeling strangely inspired

**AN: I just watched 'Won't get fooled again' and I'm feeling strangely inspired! This chapter isn't one you'll like because it still leaves Jude's and Tommy's relationship kinda hanging there. Hopefully I'll try and sort that out in the next few chapters and also I just realised that I didn't explain what was in the album chapters ago. Most of you will probably guess that it wasn't a PROPER album ******** it took me a long time to write this so I'm very very sorry. **

**Becoming Me **

**Chapter 13**

**Confessions**

'**These are my confessions  
Man I'm grown and I don't know what to do  
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions  
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all  
Damn near cried when I got that phone call'**

Tommy looked at Jude, her eyes faced away from him, making it hard to actually begin to talk.

"Do you remember when Shay broke up with you, after you sang skin you told me to get over myself-"

"-Not everything's about you" She finished for him. She wanted to hear him out. She wanted to learn what he thought he was doing but she couldn't bring herself to. It wasn't the fact she was trying to be bitter. She was scared. Scared of what he might reveal. She suspected it was the 'old' story but sat down very quietly.

"Yeah," He agreed with her sadly. His eyes were now on the multicoloured sky "I remember that day so clearly. I wanted you off the stage but no. I was told to give you a chance. Because you just had your heart handed to you 'on a stick'." He shook his head at the memories. He was such a stupid fool. "You broke my heart that day. I didn't know what to do. That's how I felt. Even though I knew I'd hurt you ten times worse, still I didn't know how to fix it. I pretended it never happened but your little rockstar ass didn't let me forget, no matter how hard I tried. That's how it was." He said now referring to the past 10 years "Every little thing reminded me of you. How could I put a child on your hands? I was lost. I felt like I had to choose, I didn't want to ruin your life. I'd hurt you too many times," Tommy added very quietly but just loud enough for Jude to hear.

Jude shook her head but decided to keep quiet. She had been right, but kept her eyes fixed on the lake, wishing it would wash away all the anger boiling inside her. She had enough of his petty excuses but still she sat there motionless, keeping a blank expression, waiting for him to say something meaningful. Something she hadn't heard before.

"When Portia started to send me those letters I didn't take them seriously. I knew she was crazy but really I didn't think she'd do much harm- she was in jail for god's sake!" Jude just nodded. Keeping up her straight face. She felt the invisible anger line just about to be stepped over.

"I read them and I swear I never replied! I began following the news and seeing how happy you looked at all the premiers and plus Courtney had an obsession with you so trust me it was hard not to know about you. She even did those little banner things. I can say unshamefully that we had pictures of you on our computer and once in a while I did look at you but your life it didn't include me, and right then it didn't have a place for me. Jude I love you, I always have and always will do but right now I'm just not a person that needs your life complicated. I have a daughter, a good job, but you, you have a career, and your music career has just been launched again, to which Darious will happily sign some papers that will have you make an album. You'll find yourself a good husband then you'll have kids and you wont need this," He said referring to the 'complicated' world that he seems to be occupied with.

Jude laughed at him. He really did think he knew what she wanted. He thought he knew her. After all these years he still couldn't get it right.

"O let me get this straight. Portia sent you those letters, you decided to spy into my life and decide that I'm happy enough withought being bothered so you just decided to ignore the threats?!"

"Jude…I"

"Even Darious was worried. He asked if anything weird had been going on but I shook his concerns off, not to worry him and just try to get on with my life. And then" She took a minute and chose her words carefully, just thinking about how much she wanted him to know. Sure she told him she loved him but that's just typical Tommy Jude stuff, it slips out and then it gets taken back. Jude wanted that particular situation to end.

"And then I came here. Sure it was a shock, you have a daughter. Sadie's pregnant. I haven't even spoken to Spied OR Jamie. Imagine how those conversations are going to go 'hi Jamie, sorry I left you for Tommy who oh so conveniently found out he had a daughter and left me.' 'Hey spied long time no see. You're a complete jackass because you broke Karma's heart who actually happens to be my best friend!' You might think you know what's best for me but you have ABSOLUTELY no idea. And saying I love you to me every time you feel like it really doesn't help me:" She mimicked Tommys voice by going high pitched "I'll find myself a good husband then I'll have kids and move on" she returns her voice to normal "Tough luck Tommy because I'll never move on. Now I want to go back to the hotel and I'll be waiting in the car." She stormed off. Not wanting to say anything more. She had already said enough and was completely exhausted.

-x-x-x-

The ride was silent but Tommy decided to just drive around. He was surprised when Jude didn't object but sat there, rather stubbornly not saying anything. Two could play that game he thought and just kept his eyes ahead on the road.

Jude was mad. No furious. Way, way beyond furious. His words were echoing her mind _"You'll find yourself a good husband then you'll have kids and you wont need this" _

What the heck did he know? He hadn't been around for ten yearsThat thought angered her more. She was disappointed but yet uneasy. She wanted the nightmare to end.

The Album. It started the whole thing off.

In the big thing there were lots of letters from Portia. She had decided to tell Tommy about how she was going to ruin Jude's life for 'stealing' Tommy away from her. If Jude did steal him then she wished she could've kept him better. Heh if only life could be so easy. Its not getting them it's keeping them now.

Anyway. In the letters that she sent there were a bunch of threats and stuff that she obviously did to try and ruin Jude's life. The main thing was Dylan. The guy was HIRED to be her boyfriend and try and lure her away from her career. He obviously fell in love with her because when things were going good he broke up with her and actually did break her heart. She was picturing herself with him and him being the _" good husband"._

Life is just too painful sometimes.

Tommy had started driving to her hotel, his own thoughts racing in his mind. The most important one of what to do? Where to take the relationship that the two of them had? And what the hell had he just done.

He pulled up in front of the hotel and she stepped out of the car but went back in quickly

"Look Tommy I'm going to make this clear. You'll drive away now and I don't want to see you anymore. I'm leaving and going back to my "WONDERFUL" life." She looked at him and shook her head. Deciding that she couldn't just leave their twisted relationship in mid air.

"What I wanted Tommy is for us to mean something. I thought we had something special but really I think I mean nothing to you. Absolutely nothing. I'm glad I came here but truly I think I was more scared of what I would find out that really think about the dealing with the news part because I could have a perfect life, but never perfect enough for you. You always put a halo on my head but really I wanted to make you realise you lost something good." She laughed lightly "but all I lost was myself"

With that she stepped out of the car to be greeted by many eager photographers, waiting for the next headline news- Jude Harrison and the Bad Boybander reunited-

She wished it was that simple.

-x-x-x-

AN/ I'm quite happy how this turned out and I hope you all did too…

**Reviews keep me happy ******


	15. Gotta go my own way

Becoming Me AN/ I AM SO SORRY!! I guess ive been concentrating on my new story co-written with charlot92 that by the time ive written a chapter for that story this just kinda dried out…. Sorry but anyway I hope you like this…. Jude is making Tommy pay Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to 'Dirty little secret' or Instant star basically I own nothing! Becoming Me

**Chapter 14**

**Gotta go my own way**

"_**Don't wanna leave it all behind  
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall, every time  
Another color turns to grey  
And it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away"  
**_

At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines...or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. So you use your experience and leave.

Jude called Amanda and asked her to cut her vacations short. The two will be meeting in London to shoot Jude's video for 'When it rains'. Then Jude will go to New York and pick out a flat, as that's where it's easiest to record that year because Jude's new movie is being shot there with the occasional trip abroad but she was sure D wouldn't mind. Also Jude was considering going to Paris for a few weeks as a vacation, not forgetting to fit all the parties in between.

Something strange was going on in Jude's head, she wasn't upset or depressed, or even relieved it was a mixture of feelings and she didn't know what to do with herself. She needed to occupy every moment of her day. All her management team were worried she was ill because they knew Jude and this new version nobody liked, it wasn't the real cranky morning Jude, or the wild party girl at night. Jude looked like she was in deep thought 24/7 and nobody liked it.

Jude, however, was ready to go back to her old life. Nothing mattered there and she was very grateful and also a teensy bit disappointed that Tommy got the message and left her alone for the two days that she was getting ready to leave. The last thing that she had to do was an interview. It would be broadcasted live and the only reason that she had it was to wish D Happy Birthday live (something about 'more publicity', like that's needed) and promote her new single and the party DVD.

-x-x-x-

Jude was backstage ready to face the music.

(_Italics_ the person speaking, I'm gonna call her (the reporter) Kate)

"Hey everyone we have a very special guest tonight- the one, the only Jude Harrison"

"Hi" Jude came out of the large orange doors that lead her to a large studio.

The studio had a sofa in front of an arm chair- that belonged to Kate. There were three guests on the sofa. The SME boys. Jude smiled weakly and was cursing in her mind.

"Hello Jude!" 

"Hey everyone"

SME stood up and hugged her.

"Well this is a surprise" Jude said a little taken back by the guests.

"_You guys know each other right?_ The woman asked, she was about mid-twenties and had a sense of fashion, Jude was sure she had a stylist, doesn't everyone these days?

"Yeah they used to be my back-up band, and best friends"

"Yeah, we even dated for a while" Spied spoke up and smiled at Jude,

"Back in the day," Jude smiled at them, they haven't changed much, except for their new haircuts. All of them looked cute and it was that moment when Jude realised that she missed Toronto, not just the people but also the goofing around and maybe if she was there then maybe Karma and Spied's marriage wouldn't have gone down the drain.

"So Jude tell us why it took you so long to get back into the music industry?"

"Well the only reason I actually released those two songs was because of Darious' birthday. It was never planned it was like my birthday present for him" She beamed at the camera.

"Well of course I never planned to actually go back to writing but coming back here I got a LOT of inspiration. The people you see, the new people you meet and of course the surprises" Jude smiled again at the camera, it was her winning smile, she wanted to broadcast the message of her stay, and she wanted it to reach Tommy.

-x-x-x-

Meanwhile back at the Quincy mansion Tommy and Courtney were watching the interview, Courtney sending Tommy a knowing look once every so often, well actually since the interview began, with Tommy's jaw on the floor, to this point she was shaking her head at her dad. How could he mess this up? She thought to herself, scheming operation "Get me a rockstar mum"

-x-x-x-

"So Jude, what do you say about your relationship with Tommy Quincy"

"Straight to the point heh?"

"Well in my studio we like to be direct"

"Okay, what do you think then, about my relationship" she air quoted the word relationship "With Tommy Quincy."

-x-x-x-

" ouch dad that one has got to hurt" Courtney said through her laughter

"Why? She didn't say anything special, we don't have a relationship,"

"Yeah, aside for 15 odd years loving each other- that's not a relationship" she said sarcastically,

"Have you been given Jude's sarcasm pills?" he asked his daughter, but received a look from her, to what he just mumbled "kids"

-x-x-x-

" _Well were you ever an item?" _

Oooohhhh the audience was heard, she didn't know how to answer that question.

Spied spoke up.

"Jude here had always had a crush on Lord Sq… ummm Mr Quincy" all the three people on the couch chuckled, to the nickname Spied used to annoy Tommy.

"Not always! Just most the time," she said while the audience chuckled.

"But anyway, we did go out for a little bit but we didn't work, it was just not…. Right" she said, remembering all the break ups she and Tommy shared.

"_Okay, well what do you have to say about this new song that you're about to sing?"_

"Well this one was kinda the reason I want to get back to my music, I felt really in my element writing this. You might find the lyrics a bit surprising but really this is a song about all my failed relationships, always sneaking around and feeling bad about feeling on top of the world"

"Don't go away, that'll be after the break"

"Jude!!" SME nearly strangled her.

"You guys I gotta go set up, speak to you later yeah?" She said standing up from the sofa.

"Sure" the three boys, men, said, letting her go.

-x-x-x-

"Well daddy lets see what Jude wrote about you!" Courtney had a smug grin on her face while Tommy was getting at the performance that Jude was going to give, he was quite frightened.

-x-x-x-

"This song is called Dirty Little Secret, and it was written about 2 weeks ago" she said into the mike while at home Tommy remembered

_Flashback 2 weeks ago_

"_Hey Harrison, what do you say I treat you to dinner?"_

"_In public?"_

"_In public?"_

"_You sure? Don't you prefer it when I'm your dirty little secret," she was inches away from his face, ready to kiss him when his phone broke the moment apart, damn phones, he thought now he would do anything to kiss her. _

"_Excuse me for a sec, I've got strange inspiration washing over me"_

_Sadly, they never did get that dinner, Kwest needed help setting up ANOTHER soundboard at D's party and Jude needed to go to some casting thing, but still he was curious to see what she wrote._

_end flashback 2 weeks ago_

"This song is dedicated to a special friend of mine, he'll know who he is" she wicked at the camera and began the song. A lump formed in Tommy's throat.

**Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you**

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Who has to know

When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
find out games you don't wanna play  
you are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know  
The way she feels inside (inside)  
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)  
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)  
And now I try to lie  
It's eating me apart  
Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret

Who has to know?  
Who has to know?

Tommy though he was going to faint after that performance, Courtney was starring at him with wide eyes, when he finally realised- he loved her and he was going to get her back. She didn't need to be his dirty little secret, he wanted them to be together, once and for all.


	16. That Girl

Memories

_**An/ **_**thank so much for all your comments :D im happy im continuing this and I hope you guys are too! aurthor's notes aren't allowed to be posted as chapters so mine is taken down... and replaced with this chapter.**

**Hum this chapter starts off serious but I hope you'll like the end, which I was extremely excited about! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

_**That Girl**_

'_I'm the smoke from your fire_

_I'm that lie you can trust'_

Jude was sitting on her bed reading her new script. She got bored. Going onto iTunes she couldn't pick what to listen to, she wanted something different but after a few minutes just decide to put her music onto shuffle. Britney spears echoed through the room, with 'born to make you happy' Jude grunted, things always needed to get worse right? Warily she started to sing along to the lyrics, and about through the chorus she started crying, but still kept going, needing to sing the heartbreaking lyrics.

She fell asleep listening to old Britney songs, crying herself to sleep. She was woken up at 3 AM, by Amanda pulling the cover off of Jude's warm body.

"Morning sunshine!" Amanda called brightly, switching Jude's laptop off and putting her scrip away.

"Jude?" Amanda called from the bathroom, packing up the star's belongings.

"Go away" Jude called

"Don't make me get cold water"

"Have I fired you recently?" a tired looking Jude appeared in the doorway. She looked dreadful, dark circles under her eyes.

"I thought I told you your flight is in 3 hours"

"No you forgot to mention it"

"Sorry but your up now and you know" Amanda smiled brightly, examining Jude's face, it looked like her boss had been crying, something that she didn't do very often.

Jude brushed her teeth quickly and ran a brush through her hair. Exiting the bathroom, she sat down at her make up table, putting lots of conselar and foundation on, Amanda started packing all Jude's other stuff up, leaving a t-shirt, skinny jeans, stilettos, and a coat out for Jude to wear. She stopped after a minute and looked at Jude applying her make-up; she had never seen so much sadness in her friend's eyes. The make-up covered up the tiredness on Jude's face.

"So how was the holiday?" Jude asked breaking the silence

"Good, thanks for the holiday, I really did need it" Amanda said honestly. "But ya know I missed your bossiness, and your morning presence" She said sarcastically, putting a smile on Jude's face. She had gotten better in the morning, she still needed her coffee, and still posses the talent of being able to drink it red hot, with ought burning her tongue.

"Well I missed your cheeriness and your teasing, I really am glad I have you right now, you do know that right?" Jude said to Amanda a questioning look appeared on her face, since when was Jude tuning into a soap star? She was never this nice in the morning, in fact she was never this mushy, and she wasn't into that type of stuff.

"Yeah I know" She smiled at Jude who returned to her make-up. After finishing that and dressing both women went down into the lobby and out into a black car which would lead them to the airport.

-x-x-x-

Tommy sped up, he had just seen Jude leave the hotel, and she looked amazing. Her short hair was messy. Her jeans hugged her perfectly and her care-free look looked amazing. She looked like a model, intimidating Tommy. He had been sitting in his car for most of the day, staring at the big hotel, where he knew Jude would be. His plan was to come and see Jude, confess his feeling but then he talked himself out of it and then he decided to do it but then talked himself out of it again. That's what was happening all day today.

When Jude walked out of the hotel, photographers snapping shots of her, he decided to follow her. He had arrived at the hotel but needed to park his car somewhere, after about 5 minutes he had found a parking space and actually ran into the airport, trying to find out when Jude's flight would be leaving, knowing that she would be using a privet jet, it was a struggle but after an autograph and a picture he knew everything that he needed, including a ticket that would lead him towards the plane.

He ran through customs and all the other stupid things, they kept him longer than necessary, and he was determined not to miss Jude.

He ran through securities, who were now chasing him. They caught up with him at the gate, where he was arguing with a stewardess.

"But miss, I need to get on that plane!"

"Look mister, you can't, it's about to be leaving"

"You don't' understand, I need to speak to Miss Harrison."

"I'm sure you can speak to her later"

"Later won't do!" He stated, angry.

"Mister, can you please come with us, you're breaking the law" Two angry security guards said to Tommy, who looked really pissed off.

"Look, I need to tell her I love her!"

-x-x-x-

"Oh crap, Amanda I forgot my ipod on one of the boarding seats, seriously I told you I'm complaining, we might miss that meeting thing"

"Jude, you're only worried about your ipod, there's something seriously special about that thing" Amanda said, bored about Jude's moans.

"Whatever I'm going to go out there and get it." Jude said non-chattily, but worried about her special present from Tommy.

"Off ya go" Amanda let Jude go, who nearly ran off the plane to get her precious iPod.

There was a long tunnel that Jude followed through to the boarding room. She stopped in the hall, amazed at the scene before her

-x-x-x-

Something caught Tommy's eye. It was Jude's iPod. He had given it to her, engraving it,

"Music is who we are

always and forever

Love Tommy"

He knew she will love it, and he had been right. It was one of the things she carried around with her everywhere.

He pushed himself past the two large guards, saying "This belongs to Miss Harrison, im sure she'll want it back and I can even tell you what's written on this" He pointed to the iPod.

"Look Mister-"

"Quincy" He said annoyed about the whole situation, for all he knew Jude could be leaving right this second; he needed to tell her how he feels, right NOW, not in a year, or a week, but right now.

"Mister Quincy?" The girl asked questionably, "I knew you looked familiar, I can't let you in onto the plane"

The guards started walking towards him, practically started dragging him out the door.

Jude looked at this scene. She wasn't sure if she was hallucinating but still shouted at the two strong guards.

"Stop, I know him"

Relief washed through Tommy's face, he didn't want to go with the guards, imagine the headlines 'bad boy Quincy gets arrested at the airport' Courtney would've killed him. The guards let him go, and he went straight to Jude.

"Tommy?" she asked, unsure if this was really real.

"Look Jude, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid. The truth is, this airport, it made me realize I can't loose you, im not going to give up. Our relationship IS special, and we are perfect for each other. I love you and I want to spend the-"

"Don't say that." She shook her head and began crying.

"Last time you did, you-" She looked around the room, realizing this was not the place to have this conversation, catching her look, the stewardess and the two huge guards left the room, leaving the pair in the sound proof room.

"Jude, this is real. I want to be with you, no matter what. There's nothing that can change my mind. I'm in love with you I will not mess this up. I want to be with you. No matter what"

"Through thick and thin?"

"Through thick and thin"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him.

"I promise" he whispered into her hair, ready for the drama that was to come.

They kissed, and stood there for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other's embrace. Amanda cleared her throat causing the two to break contact but as they did so Tommy managed to grab hold of Jude's hand.

"You forgot your iPod?" said Amanda sarcastically, amused at the picture before her. She also noticed that Jude's eyes were shining; she had never seen them so happy. She was grinning like a kid at Christmas, happy that Santa came.

"I think I'll be staying just a little bit longer" Jude said, happily and glanced at Tommy, who mirrored her expression.

"Whatever you say boss" Amanda said, amused. "I guess I'll send your bags back to the hotel." She half said half asked.

"That won't be necessary, we've got plenty of room in my house" Tommy said casually, while earning a loud squeak from Jude. She jumped into his arms and kissed him again.

"Lets go home?" He asked happily.

"Lets go"


	17. Ain't no other man

Who's that Girl

**A/N thanks for all your feedback :) ****I'm happy you all like this, this chapter will be happy, I wanted to write more jommy so expect lots for the next few chapters and then I'm thinking about finishing this story off.**

**Ain't no other man**

_Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
(what you do).  
You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon.  
You got soul, you got class.  
You got style, you bad ass - oh yeah!  
Ain't no other man its true - alright -  
Ain't no other man but you._

Jude and Tommy made their way out of the airport hand in hand. They had to use the main entrance because the back was now closed and they didn't want to cause any more hassle than they already did. Jude felt sorry for the stewardess, and she was pretty sure she heard the guards cheer when Tommy started kissing her, and she didn't stop him.

To their annoyance there were photographers outside the airport, hoping to see Jude go into the airport as the news of her flight had been spread somehow. The load of people were surprised to see Jude go out of the airport, but fans started to cheer, happy to see both Jude and Tommy- the latest 'it' couple. Funnily enough until about 20 minutes ago they weren't actually an item, not even friends, really.

They got hassled about their relationship by the paparazzi, but the two kept their heads down and just headed straight for Tommy's viper, paparazzi following them right till their doors closed, snapping photos that would confirm the two's relationship.

'Wait till they get pictures of me coming to Tommy's house and then all my stuff coming to his house, per his request of course, I wouldn't just move in out of the blue, he asked, very sweetly as well. I hope Courtney will take it well. Oh god, what if she doesn't? What will Tommy do? Will I have to move out? I don't want her to have the same relationship I had with my dad, I mean after Yvette I could never forgive him." Her ranting was interrupted by Tommy

"That was not fun" He stated.

"Well that's what happens normally," She shrugged, and he laughed.

It was true, that was what happened normally, she had gotten used to it, and you do after some time. From time to time you like the attention but normally she hated it. Publicity was the worst part of the business; she wasn't Paris Hilton and Jude was definitely not an attention seeker.

"I'm sorry your majesty, I didn't know your life was so glamorous" Tommy said sarcastically, she hit him.

"Jude, I'm driving!" He protested and she hit him again, "What was that for?"

"Well the first one was for making fun of me, and the second was 'coz I had fun hitting you" She stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're so much like Sadie sometimes" He said, earning another hit from her.

"Heyy" he whined

"That was for comparing me with Barbie." Jude said seriously.

"At this rate I won't make it out alive, or I'll have bruises- wait BARBIE?" He burst out laughing, trying to focus his eyes on the road.

"At this rate we'll crash." She said mimicking his earlier words, not thinking Sadie's nickname was anything funny. It was true she called Sadie Barbie in her childhood, whilst Jude was called rebel/drama queen, whatever nasty thing that came to Sadie's mind, none of her nicknames stuck with Jude but Barbie stuck perfectly with Sadie, the power of speech heh?

"C'mon babe, you know I wouldn't let us crash" He said.

"Keep your eyes on the road, my honest man" She said sarcastically.

"I am honest!" He protested.

"Sure you are." She rolled her eyes, chuckling softy.

"I am"

"You are, darling" She continued laughing.

"Jude!"

"Tommy!"

"Jude!"

"Tommy,"

"Jude,"

"Tommy,"

"Let's stop,"

"Whatever you say, you started it" She stated stubbornly.

"Jude! You said I wasn't honest"

"It's just your conscience you have to defend"

"We are not arguing about my honesty!"

"We're not, its just fun seeing you frustrated, and not being able to see my amused face because you have to keep your eyes on the road." She replied cheekily. To her surprise Tommy pulled over.

"Why did we stop, you're not kicking me out are you? There are hundreds of hungry men waiting to snap a picture of me! You cannot kick me out!" She said, panic evident in her face.

"Relax, no I'm not, its just fun to see you panic, and because you are, you're not noticing my amused face" He said with a chuckle.

"Tommy!" She nearly screamed at him.

He didn't reply but kissed her, short and sweet, they saw photographers were making their way to the car, trying to get shots of them together, so he leaned back and started the car quickly, making a lucky escape, while she ducked down, so they couldn't see her face.

"I guess we'll have to get these windows tinted then" He said grumpily.

"They'll still know it's your car, nobody in their right mind has a viper as old as this and actually use to drive it."

"I love this car, and a porche does not replace my baby." He told her seriously, ignoring the laughter that was filling the car.

"You know I love you right?" Jude replied, smiling.

"I love you too" Tommy grinned back, placing his hand on her knee and squeezing it gently. The loved up pair exchanged smiles, eager to get back to "their" home.

When they got to the gate of Tommy's house paparazzi were everywhere, they slowed him down, while he tried to get to his gates.

When Tommy finally reached the gates there were police everywhere, pulling the photographers out of the 'private' house.

The two parked the car and on three ran inside, giggling all the way to Tommy's front door, when they got inside they saw a very angry Courtney inside.

"What the hell is going on?" She asked frustrated, annoyed at her immature father, and an equally stupid soon-to-be (if Courtney could help it) step-mother.

"What did you two do?" She asked the final time, while Tommy and Jude exchanged worried looks.

'Here we go, now it's started' they both thought, he grabbed her hand and began telling his daughter the whole story, from beginning to end.

I wanted to know from you guys, for the next chapter what do you think should do, tell Courtney Jude & Tommy's story or skip that part? Your call 


	18. Heartbreaker

Chapter 17 An: hey! Hope you like this chapter and I hope I haven't missed a lot of the story out! But I think I went into detail too much, not really the shortened version but oh well! Thank you for those who reviewed, I do appreciate it! So yeah… the next chapter: Chapter 17

**Heartbreaker**

'_**f we take it slow  
We can make it work  
We just cant throw the love down in the dirt'**_

"Well" Tommy started, and Jude squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"It started when Jude was 15" he looked over at her, remembering the day clearly; he was stunned that she was disappointed to have him as her producer. It was unimaginable she wasn't swooning over him like his other lovesick fans. "When she won instant star"

"Yeah, I wasn't happy that I was getting an ex-boybander as my producer" Jude broke out into a grin, knowing it had hurt Tommy's feelings, at least a little bit. Though he would never admit it.

"And look where we are now" he muttered darkly under his breath and she hit his arm. "Hey! Stop with the hitting already, I'm gonna have a bruise" Tommy said grumpily, making Jude and Courtney laugh, he joined after about a few seconds, realising that this was such a good family moment, he beamed at both of them. Noticing this Jude smiled at him and Courtney.

"Then your father" she shot him a look "took me to the docks. Which was pretty much where my hormones took over," she said with a chuckle, looking at his reaction. Realisation hit him.

"Hormones?" He jumped up from the sofa and she fell about laughing at his face. It was like he found out Santa wasn't real. "You blame our relationship on your hormones?" He shrieked, making Courtney laugh.

"Okay, okay it was all in the eyes" she admitted through laughter. After calming down she sat in his lap and let him put his arms around her.

Suddenly Courtney jumped up and took the camera. "You guys are just too cute" she smiled at her parents.

"I guess we don't have to worry about her," Jude said more to herself than to Tommy, but he kissed the top of her head as if to say 'yes'. Right that moment, when Jude smiled, Courtney snapped the picture, grinning foolishly.

"What's got you all happy?" Jude asked curiously.

"Just figured out your wedding present," Courtney simply said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tommy and Jude said at the same time, making them both smile.

"Which of course won't be for a long time" Courtney said sarcastically.

"Yes" Tommy said firmly, not forgetting he already had the ring picked out, upstairs in his safe. He hoped she would like it. It was too soon to start talking marriage, maybe in another month or so but not right now. He wanted to show Jude he was committed, also he knew he would have trouble adjusting to her busy schedule, something Jude was trying hard not to think about.

Jude's mind was racing, what happened if Tommy did propose?

"On with the story" Courtney broke the couple's thoughts apart.

"Yeah, right. Well I guess the next big thing was me being stupid and kissing Tommy, but then that didn't really count" Jude shrugged.

"Hey, I didn't want to take advantage of you. Just because I stopped the kissing doesn't mean I didn't want to kiss you."

"You proved that on my 16th birthday." She said sarcastically.

"What happened on your 16th?" Courtney eagerly asked.

"Well, I was dating shay at the time"

"Shay, Shay?" Courtney said with a laugh.

"Yeah, and um he kinda broke up with me in front of the whole world."

"Attention whore" Courtney muttered under her breath.

"Courtney!"

"Sorry daddy" she replied sarcastically. Jude laughed, a feeling of love filling her up. The glare that Tommy gave his daughter was un-miss able. Courtney smiled sweetly at him and looked hopefully at Jude.

"Anyway. I ran off into this alleyway." Jude continued, only to be interrupted by Courtney.

"Ooh sounds romantic, was it dark and gloomy, ooh was it raining?" Courtney eagerly asked.

Tommy and Jude laughed. He squeezed her closer to him, over protectively. He knew he would never live this down in the house, especially now that Courtney will know.

"Yes it did rain." Jude said, and Courtney's eyes sparkled from the excitement. "Maybe I should just tell her the romantic part?" She asked Tommy, who grunted under his breath.

"Basically I kissed her and took it back" Tommy said quickly, finding interest in the wall.

"You did what?" Courtney shrieked, making both Jude and Tommy cringe at the high pitched sound.

"Moving on, "Jude dismissed Courtney's shock and started continuing. "Then your daddy decided to date Sadie, and then I bought frozen back for him, he thought it was a big deal and that there wasn't any more of 'us' being and 'us'. I guess he over reacted a bit"

"Did not!" Tommy spoke up.

"Did too!" she quickly replied and they began arguing again. Twisting herself around in Tommy's lap they started bickering over the past.

"Hey!!" Courtney yelled. They seemed to be arguing over their relationship. "No offence dad, but you seem like an ass" she said, receiving a thank you look from Jude.

"Wait, it gets better" Jude continued, "I went on tour and everything, coming back I had Darious as the new owner of Gmajour. Jamie was my boyfriend at the time" Jude said.

"Jamie!! As in the biggest rival to Gmajour's records? Jamie Andrews? Shooting Star Jamie?" Courtney tried to clarify. Receiving nods from Jude and Tommy. They had taken their previous position, of Jude being in his lap and facing Courtney, his arms wrapped around her.

"Uhm yeah, him. Well I suppose we were best friends for a long time." Jude became upset, where did she go wrong? She lost her best friend and basically her past, because she was afraid of what she might find there, where the whole thing started. "But anyway, I guess then what happened was Tommy cheated on Sadie, drama followed, I was dating Speed at the time."

"Oh. My. God. Spiederman Mind Explosion, Spied? You dated him?" Courtney had stars in her eyes.

"Courtney if you, god forbid, end up on tour with them, trust me, you views will change." Jude said, instantly remembering the great tour they shared, sure they put frogs into her shower and did some other nasty things, that she was sure the bus driver would never forget… but really it wasn't Jude's ideas to have shots and then play truth or dare. Really.

"Why would she ever go on tour?" Tommy asked, confused. "Its not like she's going to be star" Tommy said sarcastically. Courtney shot Jude a nervous look.

"Of course not, I meant hypothetically." Jude brushed Tommy's concerns off and sent Courtney a 'not-now-we'll-do-this-later- look.' She nodded and Jude continued on with the story.

"I got locked in the chrome cat on my 17th Birthday with Tommy. I was mad at him from my 16th birthday but that birthday was… special" was the only thing she had to say about that experience. It had been the most wonderful birthday ever.

"Well anyway we broke up because I was in love with your father" Jude said. She loved saying 'father' for some reason. It sounded so cute.

"Don't forget, you recorded white lines," Tommy added in.

"Yeah, I recorded that and then the next big eventful course in our relationship was you asking me out and then leaving me and saying you'd never be back" Jude said, annoyed at the memories. She got frustrated just thinking about it.

"Hey! I came back," he pointed out.

"With a kid!" she snapped back.

"That wasn't mine." Came a smart reply back.

Here we go again, Courtney thought. On with the arguing.

She cleared her thought and the pair stopped.

"Anyway. I met Patsy, and Jamie and me were semi-okay. Then she died; Jamie blamed me for her death. They were dating at the time" Jude said, trying to remember those few months, she didn't want to go into too much detail. Her mind went blank and all she thought about was Hunter. Tommy, catching onto her thoughts decided to give Courtney a brief explanation about Hunter.

"Your uncle Hunter came back and tried to kill Jude, to get revenge on me. See he blamed me for your mum's death." He told her.

"Oh," was all she said. Courtney always wanted to know about her relatives, and the people who were close to her dad, He never really told her anything about the past, all she knew were short stories about him and Jude and their amazing 'chemistry'. She could see what they meant, even now when they were silent, regretting those few month, they were becoming closer each second.

"Don't forget you publicly humiliated me at my 18th birthday" she said, Jude couldn't help herself.

"Yeah and that'" came a muffled reply from Tommy. He knew he'd hurt her too many times, it wasn't purposeful but actually over the years they had had a good life, it was the in-betweens of these events that were great. These events promised them a bright future together.

"But yeah after all the drama passed I was choosing between Jamie and your dad. I picked him and he got you. I left for Asia alone and the rest is history" Jude quickly summed up, not bothering o mention the nights she cried herself to sleep in Asia. She was never going back there, the people thought she was hysterical. Everything reminded her of Tommy.

"And that's the story. The rest you know. But well Jude is moving in with us." Tommy told Courtney, a loud shriek filled the room and she jumped up to hug Jude.

Jude whispered into Courtney's ear 'now'.

"Dad" Courtney looked at \Tommy and Jude squeezed his hand, unsure of what to do.

"I got a record contract"

Silence.


	19. Happy

**

* * *

**

I know I said I'd update like a week ago but I've been trying to work on my new story confessions of a backup dancer and this has kinda suffered because of that. Sorry to everyone and thanks to those who reviewed!

**I'm not too sure about the chapter, its been kind of a drag to write but oh well, hope you like it and please leave a review, I'd really appreciate it :)**

**Becoming Me**

**Chapter 18**

**Happy**

'**As long as it makes you happy' **

Jude and Courtney were curled up on the settee watching Atonement. Both were crying. Jude was lying back up against the sofa and Courtney was in front. Jude's arms were wrapped around the girl's small frame.

"I hate sad endings" Courtney grunted, she was concerned about everyone and needed a happy film to restore her mood. She just hit play and Atonement started playing, so she and Jude watched the movie.

Jude too needed refreshment. There was little she could do in the house and the two girls were mostly watching movies for the past few days. She was grateful for the enormous supply of food i.e. ice cream that Tommy seemed to have in the fridge.

"Me too" Jude agreed.

The two started to sit up. Wiping their eyes, they stretched as the credits rolled down. Jude stretched out like a cat and yawned loudly. It was a good film and very well directed, in her opinion even deserved an Oscar, too bad her film won it that year. She was a bit surprised as well; she got the Oscar for best female performance whilst the film that she was in won the best film Oscar. All in all the cast and crew were very happy. The only thing she regretted that night was the fact one special person wasn't there.

"If you think about it that film has two ending, a happy and a sad one." Courtney said thoughtfully.

"Yes but the reality is the sad one" Jude pointed out.

Courtney sighed.

"We need to get out this house." Jude said forcefully.

"Have you not seen what's going on outside?"

"Yes but we can't stay here all day, your father is being a prat and I need a facial" Jude decided, while Courtney chuckled softly.

"What?" Jude asked defensively.

"Your not even thinking about your schedule anymore."

"I've stopped thinking about it yesterday, one more day in this house and I'm going mad. Its bad enough you've missed a week of school. You need to get started on your first album." Jude said and Courtney shook her head.

"Well dad's not helping." Courtney sat down next to Jude, who hugged her automatically.

"He'll come around. He just hasn't heard your song yet."

"Well he-"

"Court stop. Seriously just relax. I'm calling Amanda go get ready and please give me something to wear. My suitcases are still MIA."

"Ok, I'm going to go get ready and I'll put the clothes into your bedroom, dad's still in his office isn't he?"

"Yes he is"

"Jude, I guess I get him a little bit but you two shouldn't fight over this." Courtney gave Jude a worried expression. She really didn't want to mess this up for her parents. The past few days have been torture. Both of them have been ignoring each other ever since Courtney announced her big news.

"Shouldn't fight over what?" came a voice from the staircase.

"Finally! You decided to grace us with your presence" Jude said sarcastically.

"Hey honey, missed you too" Tommy fired back.

"Whatever, Courtney go get ready" Jude ordered and made her way to the kitchen, which was covered in dishes, seeing as the maid got a holiday from Tommy.

"Ready? Where do you think your going?" Tommy asked, following her.

"We're going shopping, and we're going to a spa." Jude told him matter-of-factly.

"What you don't like my clothes?" Tommy smirked, looking at her with his clothes on. She had an oversized T-Shirt and a pair of his boxers on.

He pushed her up against a free counter. "Because you can always return them," he whispered lowly into her ear, sending chills down her spine. HE didn't pull away and neither did she. Slipping his hands under the shirt Jude kissed him passionately and their feud was forgotten, Tommy picking Jude up bridal style and carrying them to their bedroom.

-x-x-x-

"Jude?" came a knock on the bedroom door.

"I'm glad I'm thin" came a muffled reply from the bedroom. "For once, I know why I was graced with such a figure."

"For what its worth I love you just the way you are." Came a second voice from the bedroom, which belonged to Tommy. Jude rolled her eyes and Courtney chuckled outside. I guess those two made up then, she thought to herself.

Jude came out and twirled around. It was very evident her lips were red from the making out, and Courtney decided to take EXTRA long in her own room getting ready. Jude wore a pair of low-rise jeans and a black t-shirt with a guitar on it. A red cardigan was put over to finish the whole look. She smiled at Courtney and looked back inside the room to wave at Tommy.

He came out of the room, smiling at his two favourite women and kissed the top of Courtney's head. Hugging her he whispered into her ear 'I'm sorry'.

Jude smiled gratefully at him and saw that Courtney was beaming. She pecked his lips and the two girls made their way to the front door. Jude took her abandoned stilettos from a large shoe closet and made a mental note to thank Amanda about them. They were black, so naturally matched any outfit.

Courtney was wearing black jeans and some green pumps. She wore a vintage top and a blazer was swung over the whole thing. Jude was glad she got a fashionable stepdaughter. The two stared at the door. It had been 6 days since Jude and Tommy came back from the airport and it's been 6 days since she's left the house. The paparazzi were going to be al large problem, Jude realised.

"Okay?" Jude asked a little over-protectively.

"Yeah, I better get used to this." Courtney smirked and Jude just glanced at her.

"Trust me its not that glamorous." Jude said.

With that the two ran out of the house and were greeted by hundreds of flashes from the gates. A black car was positioned in front and they quickly jumped in. With a quick hug from Amanda the three set out on their journey.

Jude looked through the tinted window to see Tommy at the window. She smiled at him, even though she knew he couldn't see her. In a second Tommy disappeared. She sighed and her phone beeped. Jude didn't remember taking it but checked it anyway. There was one text from Tommy.

_Love you, don't have too much fun. We could continue later… _

_Xxx_

She smiled and looked at Courtney, who was seemed to be involved in a conversation with Amanda. She let out a contented sigh and enjoyed the moment, texting Tommy back she smiled and decided to have some fun, even if it did involve a huge makeover.

-x-x-x-

They made a quick stop at Gmajour and decided that Jude would make a statement tomorrow. She was also flattered when Courtney asked to be produced by Jude. They worked on some songs in the studio at home, which made it very easy to get the work done.

Next they went shopping and got some new clothes. Courtney was pleasantly surprised about Jude's choice of clothes. They got both the girls a new wardrobe, not forgetting Amanda of course.

Afterwards the three made their way to a posh spa. Jude decided to convince Courtney to die her hair. At the moment her hair just hung loosely but she needed a makeover.

After some consideration, and a lot of puppy-dog eyes Courtney, reluctantly, agreed.

Jude got her beauty treatment and cropped her hair slightly. She had also made plans to shoot the video for 'when it rains' the day after tomorrow, followed by the video for 'shut up and drive' the following day. She also managed to fit some recording time with Tommy in. The deal was she comes up with 5 new songs by the end of the next week (that's 2 weeks) and she got herself, Tommy, and Courtney a holiday.

When Courtney got into the hair salon Jude made sure she didn't know what was happening. Courtney however did make it clear that she wasn't going to go blonde.

The haircut wasn't that dramatic. Her hair was cropped to her shoulders and her hair was died an auburn colour, well about two shades darker, it wasn't red but it wasn't brown or black. It was nice and fit Courtney perfectly. Jude looked at her stepdaughter and she reminded her so much of herself. The hair looked so much like Jude's red. She remembered her teen years and began to regret things. She brushed it off though just as she saw Courtney's beaming face.

"Home?" Jude asked, worn out after the long day.

"Home? Are you kidding?" Amanda nearly screamed. "You need to work!" she was yelling now, scaring the gay hairdresser. His name was Pablo and he was bold. He jumped and dropped his scissors, making Jude and Courtney smirk.

"I can do it later"

"Later my ass… we're going over to Gmajour, and I don't care about your protests. Work" Amanda finished in a huff, leading the girls out into the car, paparazzi following them, as usual.

-x-x-x-

Tommy went into his office after Jude and Courtney left. He smiled at the thought of them having fun. Subconsciously looking around, he made into his office; it smelt a bit funny since he'd inhabited it for 5 days, getting the clear message that he was not welcome in the bedroom with Jude, but he did have a lot of thinking to do.

He was kind of unsure of what to do; it was uncertainty and maybe a little fear of this new relationship with Jude that made him WANT to do this right. Properly and not go out on a whim and just say 'will you marry me'. It was going to have to be special. No it had to be special, no more screw-ups. He knew they still had things to discuss but Tommy also knew that Jude wasn't going anywhere, she wanted the relationship to work as much as he did, he could see it in her eyes just hours ago.

All was good now between them, at least he hoped it was and he was going to be extra good to make sure it was staying that way.

Tommy made his way over to the large office table that sat just to the end of the wall. He slowly sat down on the massive, leather chair and sighed loudly.

The ring.

That was the only thing on his mind. Tommy was going to propose in Thailand but got sidetracked for what? Ten years. But things were going to change. He would make sure of it. Things were going to get better, no matter what it took. He would make it work. He had to make it work. No he'd make sure that it would work, whatever it took.

He smiled at the thought of Jude and Courtney bonding and prayed silently that things were going to stay the same.

"Honey we're home" Tommy heard Jude giggle as she said the sentence, with Courtney mimicking the same laugh. Here we go, he thought to himself, but his smile got even wider just from hearing her voice.

Shaking his head at his own loved up state Tommy shifted about in his seat.

A large grin spread his features and he opened the top drawer of the desk. He took out a large velvet box and opened to look at the ring, he closed it again, put it into the rightful position and briskly made his way downstairs, just to be greeted by two very excited girls.

His mind drifted to the ring upstairs, remembering its simple cut and the diamond cut as a star. The damn ring left him half broke, for him at least, but it didn't matter because once he bought the thing he knew that the only person who'd ever lay their hands on the ring was Jude because it was hers. He was rightfully hers. And the many times he went to sell the ring he needed up back home with the ring in his pocket.

Somehow Tommy knew.

He knew he'd end up now with Jude gracefully jumping into his arms, not carrying that she'd break his neck, or missing his shocked expression at his own daughter. But he knew that it would somehow end up like this, with them being a happy family.

* * *

Please review! tell me what you thought!


	20. Give it to me

**An/ **_Okay, the last chapter everyone! I hope you like it and I'd like to thank you so, so much for the support you've given me!_

**Disclaimer: **_no I do not own any lyrics, characters (except little Jude and Courtney, who are a figment of my imagination) And even if I did own Instant Star, believe me the ending would've been SO different. But whatever. _

Enjoy!

**Becoming Me**

**Chapter 19**

**Give it to me**

_**They say that a good thing never lasts  
And then it has to fall  
Those are the the people that did not  
Amount to much at all**_

A week turned into two and that turned into months and before they knew it their little family vacation was coming to a close.

The "Quincys", as Sadie now had taken to call them, had worked very hard to get a well deserved one month vacation from Darious, who was more than pleased to have Jude, Tommy and Courtney working for him, and not only working but working to what he considered was their best standard.

Courtney's album was half done and he predicted that by the end of her final year of High school she'd be done with it and, just like Jude, she'd be able to go on tour.

Tommy was also working hard on completing all his producing projects and he'd began to get back into the studio with Jude, she'd also persuaded him to record a few tracks of his own, but as he put it, they were 'for her personal use only'.

The family, well more Jude, persuaded Darious that they should be present on her movie shoot and Sadie talked Darious into letting her go as well. Now the two sisters, Tommy and Courtney were sitting on the beach watching the sunset on their last day of vacation.

Jude's movie was shot in Hawaii, so after the three of them visited Jude's home in Spain, the one next to Karma's house, they flew to Hawaii and were joined there by Sadie who had persuaded Darious who, miraculously, gave her 4 (!) months off. Jude swore he had a soft spot for Sadie. (C'mon they all knew it, and now Jude could back the fact up with evidence.)

Jude laid her head onto Tommy's shoulder and sighed heavily. Sadie nudged Courtney and sent her a look that said "lets go" and both stood up and said they'll be walking back to the hotel and that they won't wait up for the love birds. Sadie winked at Tommy and he sent her a small smile.

Truth was he wasn't ready to go just yet. The thought of asking Jude to marry him had played on his mind all through out these past month, he knew it sounded bad but he was sure that one day she'd realise that he wasn't enough for her and leave. Tommy just needed for HER to be sure so he asked Sadie's permission who seemed so happy, provided she could be the wedding organiser (he kind of agreed if Jude would be fine with it, he was quite sure that Sadie had already started planning the wedding, so he just let Sadie do her thing. The main thing was Sadie was happy and he hoped Jude would be too.).

"Tommy?" Jude murmured softly.

"Yeah babe?" He answered and looked at her. The moonlight highlighted her hair and her eyes were glittery. She looked peaceful and calm. Tommy thought his heart would stop right then and there. This was the girl of his dream. His girl.

"Promise that no matter what we'll stay like this forever." She said looking up to see Tommy's love filled eyes. Her heart sped up and her stomach started doing summersaults. The last few months have been amazing for the pair (and not just physically, of course). She still hadn't gotten used to waking up next to Tommy. He was just amazing and on this vacation she learnt new things about Mr. Tough Guy. Lets just say someone's got a BIG Disney addiction (he blames Courtney- yeah right).

"Jude, you know I love you right?" He asked, standing up.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"For a walk." He said, a little disappointed she didn't answer his first question. He made his way to the water and put his arm around her.

Slowly they made their way down the beach, walking aimlessly in comfortable silence, both silently wishing that the moment would never end. Tommy put his hand into his trousers pocket and held the ring firmly. He contemplated his options. Making a list in his head it looked like this:

_Leave the idea of proposing to her and do it some other time_

_Propose in Toronto- don't be romantic._

_Do it here before we leave, like right now. _

_What if she says not then I'm back to square one. (He knew this wasn't really an option but still worth considering. He did know of the many times he screwed up and the last thing he wanted to do was to scare her off) _

_Do it now, be romantic and live happily ever after (damn the cliché Disney endings)_

At that moment the list went on for a lot longer but for some reason he decided on N.5.

"Jude I love you so, so much." He confessed. He knew Jude had heard him say the words many times, but this was different, and she knew it.

They'd stopped and Tommy took hold of both of her hands. She looked into his eyes and mirrored the love that she saw. She'd been hoping for this moment, it seemed like forever since he'd uttered those words and she loved the passion that they held.

She found herself getting lost in his eyes and the utter look of love just brought tears to her eyes. Maybe it was intuition but Jude knew what Tommy would ask her.

"Jude, honey, will you make me the luckiest man alive and marry me?" He got onto one knee and asked. The nervousness he fought was clear in his voice.

"Of course!!" She yelled so loud, Jude was sure they heard her in Toronto. She jumped into his arms and he kissed her passionately. He slipped the star ring onto her left hand. She'd cried even harder when she saw it and tackled Tommy to the floor, kissing him until she was sure her mouth was about to fall off.

-x-x-x-

Jude sat in the studio remembering the last month. It was a crazy time for everyone. The media went crazy with the engagement. Courtney was working hard, and she was a bit upset that she got a month worth of homework to complete, Jude also suspected she had a hidden boyfriend somewhere but that was her business and Jude would not get involved-yet. Tommy was too busy with finishing Milo's album, as well as trying to complete his own found band called 'Oxygen' and another girl singer whose name was May Summers, she was also very talented.

This was the first time in the month that Jude had time to go into the studio. Upon arrival in Toronto she was bombarded with phone calls and had to jet off to France, then come back to Toronto. After a week in France, and lots of interviews Jude was set off to Paris to see the final cut of the film (she was, of course, fluent in French so she had no problem going for her seasonal fitting in the various design houses).

Jude was then sent to England, and had a chance to FINALLY go back to her home. She had lots of meetings with all the 'important' people, and was completely exhausted by Wednesday. The rest of the week Jude spent doing photoshoots and various interviews for British magazines.

The movie wasn't a big blockbuster but because it had Jude's name on it she was sure it would do well. The next week she was flown to LA and the process was repeated there. New York was her last stop, and she just caught up with her friends and checked on her abandoned apartment there.

Tommy and her exchanged phone calls everyday and withought fail, she'd call him to wish goodnight- no matter the time difference. He kept her updated on G-Majour and everything else in Toronto. Although Jude called London her 'home' and NY her business home, Jude felt much more connected with Toronto. She'd missed Sadie, and Tommy, but she'd never felt that much attachment to anyone else before like she did with Courtney. It had become her daily routine to call her soon-to-be stepdaughter everyday and she'd moan about the work she had to do, whilst Courtney would moan about the schoolwork and the fact that D was over-working her. Jude had also managed to write some good songs in the moments she had free. Sure the stuff was lovey-dovey but she really couldn't help the fact that she was in love, and every time she caught a glimpse of her dazzling ring Jude's face would break out into a grin, and she'd remember that through all of it she had Tommy by her side- no matter how far away she was, whether she was in London, Paris or New York he'd always be there.

Jude watched as Tommy concentrated on setting the studio up so that she could sing. He smiled at her and she mirrored his expression. Their love was contagious, it seemed that Sadie was much more positive after her little break, she'd also missed her little girl. Kwest made Sadie go because apparently Sadie had been moody lately and this vacation did do her a lot of good. The love was spread everywhere. Even Darious seemed happy lately.

"So babe, we've got a LOT of catching up to do" Tommy smiled mischievously and Jude rolled her eyes, pulling him onto the couch. He sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her tiny body. For once she wore jeans and a Ralph Loren stripy shirt.

"I'm sorry" Jude said, inhaling the smell that made him… him. Her Tommy.

"For what? I should be the one kissing the ground you walk on" He chuckled slightly.

"Well we all know you already do that," She playfully said.

"Yeah, true" He smiled coyly at her and she pecked his lips quickly.

"Lets record?" Jude asked, excitement evident in her eyes. She always had this look… it was when she knew her song would be a hit. It was when she created music right out of the heart, and even though Tommy remembered those days where he'd broken her heart and she needed to get something off her chest, Jude's eyes were always bright.

"Sure things, lets hear this number 1 hit!" Tommy said and she giggled slightly, shaking her head at the confidence in Tommy's voice. Truth was she was excited about the song; it was one that was about her love for Tommy.

"What's it called babe?" Tommy asked.

"Yellow. The songs called yellow," She told him, and he raised his eyebrows slightly.

That did not clue him in at all.

"Okay, Jude Harrison take one 'Yellow'" Tommy said through the mike with slight humour in his voice, she just playfully glared at him but the smile he sent her made her forget everything in the world. Jude began to sing to the music, her eyes were connected with Tommy the whole time.

**Look at the stars,  
Look how they shine for you,  
And everything you do,  
Yeah they were all yellow,**

I came along  
I wrote a song for you  
And all the things you do  
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn  
Oh all the things I've done  
And it was all yellow

Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know you know I love you so  
You know I love you so

I swam across  
I jumped across for you  
Oh all the things you do  
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line  
I drew a line for you  
Oh what a thing to do  
And it was all yellow

Your skin  
Oh yeah your skin and bones  
Turn into something beautiful  
D'you know for you I bleed myself dry  
For you I bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine for you  
look how they shine  
look at the stars look how they shine for you

Jude finished off and sent Tommy a small smile. For some reason she was still a bit embarrassed about her "open" love for Tommy. 10 years ago she would've sang the song and no doubt get annoyed about Tommy's reaction to her declaration. This was different. The minute she stepped out of the recording booth Tommy's lips found their way to hers and she was backed up against the wall.

Kwest opened the door, causing Jude and Tommy to stop kissing.

"Who, I'ma come back later" He told them, hurrying out, sending both Jude and Tommy into giggles. Kwest's face was full of horror.

"I love you Tommy. " Jude told him, and sat down onto the couch.

Just then Sadie came into the studio, hand over her eyes. "Everything PG13 here?" She laughed and uncovered her eyes. She called Kwest in and he came up behind Sadie. Wrapping his arms around her torso, Sadie actually beamed at the pair. Courtney flew inside of the studio and jumped up and down obviously really excited about something.

She flew into Jude's arms and squealed.

"I'm performing at the VYNIL PALACE!!" She nearly screamed and Jude squealed, standing up to hug Courtney. Tommy had a proud look on his face and Sadie and Kwest just stood there watching their little "Quincy family moment" as Sadie whispered into Kwest's ear.

Tommy stood up and hugged Courtney tightly. Jude smiled at him and she smiled back. They shared a moment of understanding. It was one that parents might share when their child finished school, or got into a certain university. This was their moment. Tommy and Jude were proud of Courtney. Both of them knew that that was all they needed. To be there for 'their' little girl. That's how both of them felt.

Jude thought back to her lonely months spent alone, isolated, writers block stuck with her and just feeling numb. The love that she held for Tommy wasn't with her anymore then. She remembered feeling like someone else, completely out of her depth. The movies helped, sure, but really she wanted to sing. Her head wouldn't let her. And her heart was trapped.

Now she felt like her old self. She had Tommy by her side. She had Courtney to take care of. Jude knew she'd make a great mother some day, but right now she wanted to watch Courtney become a wonderful person, and have opportunities Jude never had. Maybe that's why she felt proud of that single moment.

She watched as Sadie and Kwest stood there, arms tightly wrapped around each other, watching little Jude come to the door. Both of their faces lit up, just looking at their little blue-eyed girl.

She watched as Tommy smiled brightly at Courtney as she babbled on about the song she'd sing.

She watched as Courtney laughed and joked and smiled.

She watched as Tommy sat down and wrapped his arms around her.

She listened to him telling her that he loved her.

She listened as Kwest picked up little Jude and he tickled her. Sadie screaming to be careful and threatened him that if "her she gets hurt, Kwest I swear if you drop her, I'll kill you."

She listened to Courtney texting someone.

Jude simply relaxed and saw everything around her. It was like in that Greys Anatomy episode where Dr.Bailey said to "see the bigger picture"

The thing Jude saw was the fact that she felt like herself again and that Toronto made her… "Jude" again. It was like in that horrid song she got named after, the lyrics played around in her head:

**Hey jude, don't make it bad.  
Take a sad song and make it better.  
Remember to let her under your skin,  
Then you'll begin to make it  
Better better better better better better, oh**

And she realised how the lyrics were so true. She lost inspiration and now she's found it. Jude knew she'd make the songs she wrote better and better. Now that she's got Tommy, (well almost under her skin, but didn't that line sound so much like "skin" that she wrote- that thought made her smile).

Now she was better. Tommy made everything better, and as time went on Jude realised that so did all the other people in her life. She would never be able to leave Toronto again, it was her **home**, and there were too many things she loved here to leave behind.

She smiled at Tommy and said she loved him too, after a while of listening to Courtney speak Jude sighed and whispered into Tommy's ear:

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"For letting me become me"

-x-x-x-

_**A/N: Wow… its finished! I can't believe it. My first story over. Well I might post an epilogue if you guys want one, but you gotta let me know! I hope you've enjoyed the last chapter and I want to THANK YOU SO SO SO much for all the reviews/alerts/favourites etc. it really means a lot and I'm grateful for your support throughout the story! **_

_**Also this was the longest chapter that I've ever written, I think, so please review and let me know what you think! **_


	21. Epilogue

Becoming Me

**Becoming Me**

**Epilogue**

Tears filled my eyes, as I stood in front of the mirror in the massive Versace. The white material that was draped around me, and it fit perfectly- the dress wasn't nearly ready but I could already see that Donatella really did know what I wanted. I'm sure that Tommy wouldn't be able to tell if I came to the church just like this, withought all the lace and detail put on and I'll still look good. I think as far as he's concerned if I turned up in jeans and a vintage tee he'd still be happy. I think eloping crossed his mind a few times, but I wanted a big white wedding so this was what we settled on. I looked into the mirror and wiped my eyes, a massive smile lighting up my face.

Sadie's grin matched mine, and I noticed that her hand went over her stomach protectively. Since everything happened so fast, I can't even remember the day Sades announced that she would be having a baby and this time it was a boy, she was about seven and a half months along so conveniently, and the wedding will be in 3 months.

Just at that moment Courtney came in and looked at a glowing Sadie and a teary-eyed Jude. She smiled instantly as her eyes scanned over Jude's unfinished dress.

"Well daddy's defiantly gonna like that" She smiled at me, and opened her arms out just as I flew into them. Courtney had been touring for almost 6 months and I didn't have the heart to disturb the new "pop princess of the industry." As Darious put it. So we had very little contact over the months. Courtney's hair was now a light brown colour and her blue eyes looked very eager to tell me everything. Before she spoke though she studied me, and I studied her.

It seemed that only yesterday we had met but it would now be 5 years this year, and it had been a little less than five when Tommy and me got engaged. We decided to wait so the wedding would be a summer one and it would take place in my castle in France, where it was guaranteed to be sunny. Then we will make our way to Italy for the honeymoon.

"So did you meet anyone on tour?" I sent a questioning glance toward Courtney's left hand and Courtney instantly blushed.

"Well not exactly.." She trailed off but Sadie and mine gazes kept transfixed on her, just waiting for her to finish. With a deep breath Courtney began:

"Okay so I know you told me that getting back together with Chris will be a bad idea, but he was so sweet and funny, and I agreed to go on a date with him in Greece, and oh god he proposed and was so sweet, and cute and he gave me those damn big eyes that I love so much." How she said that in one breath I would never understand.

"Okay, so you said yes, right?" I asked, and looked at her left hand. Okay so the diamond was big and she did look happy- what the heck, we'd deal with Tommy later.

"Of course, and he was so sweet, saying we can wait and so thoughtful… wait you're not mad?" She asked me and I just shook my head and a warm smile crept up onto my face, "Your dad, however is a completely different story. But we'll make it work" I said, confidently.

"Thanks Jude, you know I love you, right?" Courtney said, and that made me tear up again. Finally I blurted out quickly.

"I'm pregnant." Phew relief washed over me as Sadie and Courtney ran up to hug me and I just smiled to myself.

I had everything I need: a fiancé, a loving family and a new baby on the way. Tommy was of course very happy, he literally screamed out in joy. I was happy too, nervous but happy. My career had taken a big detour. I hadn't worked as much but I still received an Oscar for one of the biggest box office hits, which was nice as always. Also I had released 2 platinum albums and I even had time to tour one summer. It was unbearable to be away from Tommy and Courtney but it had to be done for me, because I needed to find the way back the girl I was back in my teenage days, the girl full of fire and humour. The girl who fell for guys easily and the girl who knew who she was. Now I was that girl again, older and wiser but still I was THAT girl (ironic huh? I always new that song would hold a special place in my heart.)

And Tommy will never understand by what I mean 'I became me again', but I did. He, and Toronto helped me get back to that foolish 18-year-old girl that I was back then, and sure most things stayed the same here but it was somehow different. The look that Tommy gives me every morning kind of like he expects me to leave one day and never come back. Or the look Sadie gives me every time she sees me, the look that's a mixture of relief that I hadn't gone MIA again, and there was of course happiness that she still had the chance to see me. Courtney and me had become somewhat of best friends, kind of like Gilmore girl, we'd always joked. I think it was because my mother, or Victoria as I liked to call her, and me had never connected in that ways so it was important to have a good relationship with Courtney.

We'd made new friends, and of course the paparazzi were always haunting Tommy and I but still, life was the way it was meant to be. I was happy with Tommy and I knew Courtney would be happy with Chris.

It took me and Tommy 10 years, and as long as Courtney didn't get hurt like I did and she was happy everyday of her life I'd be happy.

I was happy right then, because my phone vibrated and I immediately knew it was Tommy because the ID was 'my love' (I did that to annoy Tommy with the JT reference, but still that was one damn good song) and when I answered it the first words I heard were:

"Hello my love," and I knew right then that my life would only get better from here because I had everything I needed, and I was comfortable with who I was, and who I had become.


End file.
